THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE TRUTH IS NOT IS NEGOTIABLE

According to A.P., President Bush continues on his journey to the very foundations of NATO -- former Soviet Republics, Latvia & Estonia -- spewing forth a hail of bullshit so extreme that meteorologists predict the worst winter for the Baltic region since 1941-42. What's the latest from the Chief Exec? Hmmm, a selected sampling if we may (I won't make any comments about grammar or diction. You don't need me to point them out; they're there for the taking, like fruit drooping on vines in overripe glory):

"There's a lot of sectarian violence taking place, fomented in my opinion because of the attacks by al-Qaida causing people to seek reprisal."

"Al-Qaida," like "Liberty," "Freedom," "God," "The Terrorists," or "Evildoers" is a phrase Bush reflexively throws into his answer anytime he doesn't know what to say. For example, if a reporter asked him about stresses to the economy, he might answer, "Money spent to fight terror, the evildoers. Gotta preserve our freedom from Al-Qaida. God bless America." From there, he moved on to Iraq's relations with neighboring states:

"If that's what they think they ought to do [meet with Iranian leaders], that's fine. One thing Iraq would like to see is for the Iranians to leave them alone. The Iranians and the Syrians should help — not destabilize — this young democracy. That government is being undermined, in my opinion, by extremist forces encouraged out of Syria and Iran. Why? Because a democracy will be a major defeat for those who articulate extremist points of view."

You can play your own version of "Switch the Names of Nations" at home. I won't stop you. Then, when asked if a state of Civil War existed in Iraq, Bush was coy:

"When you see a young democracy beginning to emerge in the Middle East, the extremists try to defeat its emergence."

Having studied Bushese for the last couple years, I'll translate: "Civil War? Hell yeah." Referring to the alliance, he also said:

"Members must accept difficult assignments if we expect to be successful."

This one translates as a request for other allied nations to send their boys (and girls) into the meatgrinder known as The Extremist-Threatened Emerging Democracy Non-Civil War Civil War. And finally, in the most interesting turn, addressing the constant sectarian violence against civilians, soldiers, militiamen, and every other human being in every corner of Iraq, the White House Big Boy said that:

"We've been in this phase for a while."

You don't say? That'd be the post-Mission Accomplished Phase, I presume. But, what makes this especially notable is the following, from National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley, aboard Air Force One on the way to Estonia yesterday:

"We're clearly in a new phase characterized by an increase in sectarian violence that requires us to adapt to that new phase."

I don't wanna overplay my hand here. I know folks will make mistakes, verbal gaffes, communication miscues. But you'd think that before a multi-nation tour, for the purpose of galvanizing support for the endless war that we're embroiled in, the friggin' President and one of his advisors on the same damn plane, would have their stories together! And they wonder why Americans increasingly worry that there's no plan to win, no plan to exit, no plan to do anything except die and spend money.

But, have no fear, all is well. Things are going just as they always have. How's that? Well, as Hadley went on to say:

"We're not at the point where the president is going to be in a position to lay out a comprehensive plan."

No shit. Yeah, that "point" isn't likely to come til January 20, 2009, at the earliest. But thanks for letting us in on that, Stephen. And for your honesty, I think we can all expect you to be fired by the time you return stateside.

Might wanna leave this gig off the résumé though.