IT JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE & MORE PATHETIC

You know, quite honestly, I'm generally inclined not to give a rat's ass about whatever pecadillos Congressmen engage in. They're politicians, for crissakes. But with this Mark Foley debacle, there's just too much "there" there. He sponsored legislation punishing just the type of crap he's committed. The GOP is going to war with itself, spinning (in its freshly-dug grave) more than Abraham Lincoln & Barry Goldwater are.

And, for pure spectacle, what's more fun than the Foley Excuse-O-Meter? First he's an alcoholic. Then he was molested as a child (he's also Roman Catholic, so have whatever fun you want with that factoid). And now, apparently he's gay. No wonder the Republicans are scrambling to run his ass out of the party.

As far as I can see, however, there's but one logical conclusion this whole saga can come to: the revelation that Mark Foley is actually Osama Bin Laden.

Just think how many push-button issues the GOP can trundle out if that's the case: a bevy of new excuses to explain away the very type of behavior they decry daily, a way to demonstrate Christianity's superiority, headline grabbing silliness to distract from whatever nightmarish legislation they actually introduce on that day, and of course, the October Surprise of all October Surprises.

Hell, they can even ask for a free pass on the Gutting of "Traditional Republican Values" that everyone's talking about so much: We didn't sell out on traditional Republicanism. No sir! Osama highjacked our party. And now that he's gone, you can vote for us next week with complete confidence, blah, blah, blah.

Be honest. If this actually comes to pass, would it even shock you? Or would it just be new fodder for late night snark, much handwringing, and crossed fingers as November 7 approaches? When reality becomes absurd, there's no limit to what happens next. And no way to discern the truth from the fiction.

Maybe he is Bin Laden. He's certainly the real boogeyman.