Wednesday, October 04, 2006

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE & MORE PATHETIC

You know, quite honestly, I'm generally inclined not to give a rat's ass about whatever pecadillos Congressmen engage in. They're politicians, for crissakes. But with this Mark Foley debacle, there's just too much "there" there. He sponsored legislation punishing just the type of crap he's committed. The GOP is going to war with itself, spinning (in its freshly-dug grave) more than Abraham Lincoln & Barry Goldwater are.

And, for pure spectacle, what's more fun than the Foley Excuse-O-Meter? First he's an alcoholic. Then he was molested as a child (he's also Roman Catholic, so have whatever fun you want with that factoid). And now, apparently he's gay. No wonder the Republicans are scrambling to run his ass out of the party.

As far as I can see, however, there's but one logical conclusion this whole saga can come to: the revelation that Mark Foley is actually Osama Bin Laden.

Just think how many push-button issues the GOP can trundle out if that's the case: a bevy of new excuses to explain away the very type of behavior they decry daily, a way to demonstrate Christianity's superiority, headline grabbing silliness to distract from whatever nightmarish legislation they actually introduce on that day, and of course, the October Surprise of all October Surprises.

Hell, they can even ask for a free pass on the Gutting of "Traditional Republican Values" that everyone's talking about so much: We didn't sell out on traditional Republicanism. No sir! Osama highjacked our party. And now that he's gone, you can vote for us next week with complete confidence, blah, blah, blah.

Be honest. If this actually comes to pass, would it even shock you? Or would it just be new fodder for late night snark, much handwringing, and crossed fingers as November 7 approaches? When reality becomes absurd, there's no limit to what happens next. And no way to discern the truth from the fiction.

Maybe he is Bin Laden. He's certainly the real boogeyman.

9 Comments:

Blogger DED said...

When reality becomes absurd...

You hit the nail on the head on that one. Reality has become absurd. Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse?

11:57 AM  
Anonymous nyhmr said...

Welcome back Mike.

Repeat after me. It is all the fault of the Democrats, starting with Clinton.

I wonder if they will blame the election loss on him too.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...

Mark Foley entered a treatment center for alcoholics today, reportedly stating: "I am ready to turn a new page."

Bwahaha!!! Groans, crickets.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

It's becoming clearer that these guys really do espouse "traditional Republican values," but that those values include lying, cheating, stealing and preying on children.

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

and preying on children.

But fetuses, the "brain dead," and the really dead (i.e., Souls) are not to be preyed upon.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Thrillhous said...

I don't think the gop would want him to be bin laden; who would they use to terrorize us if he'd been caught? Best to just designate him one of bin laden's hundreds of 3rd in commands.

11:28 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I don't think the gop would want him to be bin laden; who would they use to terrorize us if he'd been caught?

1. Jabba The Hastut. Imagine seeing him come out of your closet in the middle of the night. Just oozing and waddling.

2. Bin Laden's real Trusted Lieutenant. Guy's been killed so many times already, he's gotta be scary.

3. Bill Clinton's Penis. This member-on-the-loose is being blamed for everything lately, from Bin Laden going uncaught, to Mark Foley's "issues," to the price of oil, to the decline of the Raiders.

If I'm not mistaken, I think Bill Clinton's Penis was coaching at third base last night for the Dodgers, when Drew & Kent were both thrown out at home on the same play.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous nyhmr said...

I wonder if they will dispaly it with John Dillinger's when he dies.

I finally get it and you hit the nail on the proverbial head.

The Republicans have "penis envy".

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Re Envy, I have no idea of Clinton's is as prodigious as Dillinger's.

Nor do I wish to know.

But Bill's certainly made the rounds, which must've pissed off some of his political opponents.

10:16 AM  

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