Monday, November 13, 2006

BREAKING NEWS: A BURRITO IS NOT A SANDWICH

. . . and half the crowd said No Shit, while the other half didn't give one.

At any rate, a Massachussets state court judge heard a case involving restrictive covenants in a lease, determining that because of the distiction between "two slices of bread" and "one tortilla," a burrito ain't a sandwich. Among the (presumably expert) witnesses who appeared, "Cambridge chef Chris Schlesinger" testified:
I know of no chef or culinary historian who would call a burrito a sandwich. Indeed, the notion would be absurd to any credible chef or culinary historian.
"Absurd," he says!

But I think he's protesting too loudly. I bet he does know a chef . . . or culinary historian, who thinks a burrito is a sandwich. That guy may be a pariah in the food community. Hell, he could a radical, a renegade! But I think he exists, and I bet Chef Schlesinger knows him.

And damn it, if I were the opposing attorney in this case, I'd have scoured the earth to find him. As it is, the actual attorney didn't, and burritos all over the nation are suffering for his lack of diligence. And the more I think about it, maybe there's a racist element in play here, what with the cultural diffences between bread and a tortilla . . .

6 Comments:

Blogger DED said...

Put me down for being a member of the second half.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Hey man! This case is making THE LAW!

All future interpretations of burritos & sandwiches spring from this case. When the "Duncan Donuts: Coffee or Confections" question is decided, this case will be a key precedent.

10:51 AM  
Anonymous karen said...

I am not sure how a burrito is different from a wrap. Does that mean that a wrap is not a sandwich? if so thousands of delis across the country will now have to rewrite their menus. The policy implications of this decision may be huge.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I am not sure how a burrito is different from a wrap.

A wrap speaks American, like any normal samwhich, and a burrito speaks Mexican, like all them there border-crossing aliens.

The policy implications of this decision may be huge.

I got one for ya: Wall Across the Border. Border Burrito, my ass. Rio Grande Wrap, ya'll gotta call it.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Karen said...

well if you really want to spend time dissecting this silly decision (which I obviously am, too), the bottom line was in favor of the mexican restaurant, they won. so why are you complaining that the decision is racist? You are missing the forest for the trees Mike. It is sort of silly to say that a mexican restaurant can't co-exist with a sandwich shop.

3:04 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

in favor of the mexican restaurant, they won. so why are you complaining that the decision is racist? You are missing the forest for the trees Mike.

Au contraire, mon counselaire.

The Mexican restaurant won the Burrito Battle . . . but lost the War. The Cultural War! What was that about forests & trees, bosques y arboles?

Don't be fooled by this fiddle-faddle about shops coexisting in the same mall. Bah. It's about the right to slather meat, condiments and spreads between two slices of red, blue & white bread.

But NOOOOOOOOOO! Because of the institutionalized racism of some immigrant-hating judge, the proprietors of Ye Olde Burrito Shop are now "permitted" to operate the Burritoria.

But what of the Sandwicheria they want? Where's their American Dream (Sueno Americano)?

Donde esta la justicia?

3:14 PM  

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