CHUANG CHUANG'S DILEMMA: NFL PLAYOFFS OR GET LAID?

Don Cheadle was right -- it's all about the playoffs. The eternal battle of the sexes that plays out during early January afternoons on the couch with a beer in one hand, and a trans-fat-filled snack of some sort in the other, has gone trans-Pacific: sex troubles for the pandas in a Thailand zoo.

Seems the excess pounds that Mr. Chuang has put on as he rooted for his Bears by eating & drinking everything he saw (like a true Bears fan) have turned off the missus, Lin Hui. According to AP:

Chuang Chuang is gaining weight too fast and we found Lin Hui is no longer comfortable with having sex with him.

Translation: Ms. Lin ain't fucking no fatty. She wants Chuang to get his ass off the couch and return to the lean & toned panda she met while reclining languidly all those years ago. Back to basics: vegetables, exercise, shave & shower, put on a tie, bring her the occasional bouquet of bamboo shoots. Lazy bum.

Mr. Chuang promises he'll stop drinking & eating red meat after the Super Bowl. Ms. Lin promises she's going back to the jungle to find her old boyfriend, Wong Dong, if he doesn't.