ROLLING & TUMBLING

I wasn't even gonna write about last night's game. I simply wanted to sit and watch the pitcher's duel unfold. But then, after watching Pedro & Webb deal for 8 innings or so, the game stayed scoreless & extra innings looked inevitable once again. Not to mention, no game tonight, so this morning loomed as the last chance I'd have to bore you out of your senses talking about a game you already watched.

I'm generous that way.

So in the 9th inning, I explained to my wife that despite saying, "Wow, this game's going fast; you may have the TV by 9:30 tonight," I was yet again wrong, and I grabbed pen & paper to capture every stirring moment for posterity. Speaking of extra innings & wives (or, for the Theoretical Woman who actually reads these Mets posts, as well as her Theoretical non-baseball watching hubby), I'm convinced that the second my wife asks me how long the game will be on, extra innings are assured.

If you're ever doing that pathetic "I Will Not Turn This game Off Til It's Over" thing, watching the Mets playing out the string on the short end of a 11-2 drubbing, and your wife (or girlfriend, or boyfriend, or "very special pet") asks you, "When is this game going to end?" you might as well get on the horn with your bookie and lay some serious dough, cause the game's headed for extras. Guaranteed.

And just what am I offering as guarantee, you may be asking. Uhhhh . . . let's just go to the Random Thoughts here.

The Fateful 13th: Just before the Boys lifted their record in one-run games to an improbable 16-6, including an impossible 14-2 at Shea, we had the 3WTM (that would be the What Was Willie Thinking Moment). Let's set the stage, shall we: As funky, wah-wah peddle gee-tar played through the Shea P.A., vintage-1978 porn star, Joey "Long Ball" Valentino, stood on second with no outs , applying wax to his wacked-out 'stache, waiting for the fluffer. His resurrection now all-but-complete, he needed only to score (score, get it? Never mind). Ramon Castro represented the only everyday player left on the bench, and as we established in regards to the last 3WTM, the Manager's Handbook does not suggest, but mandates, special care with the use of a back-up catcher in extra innings marathons (see Rule 14(b)), especially when the starting catcher is 34, and has already taken a pitch off his body as well as Craig Counsel's foot to his head (see sub-rules (b) (3) (i) & (ii)). Meanwhile, in a scenario straight out of Rule 109 (c) (4), Tom Glavine, baseball's all-time leader in sacrifices was on the bench, ready to move Valentino to third with one out.

Castro batted.

But . . . it all worked out, the 3WTM that will sink the Mets pennant hopes was averted another day, and Valentino's resurrection is now complete.

1993 Revisted: The batter vs. pitcher to open the Fateful 13th? Jason Grimsley vs. Valentino. Jason Grimsley? Luckily for Willie & the Mets, there are enough Bob Melvins and Charlie Manuels out there to evenly distribute the idiotic managing throughout the league. Teams spend hundreds of millions of dollars on players, yet continue to hire former players -- clearly ill-suited to manage professional baseball games -- to lead the charges. Makes utterly no sense to me. Oh well, but speaking of Melvin's decisions . . .

Jorge Julio: Let me tell you, I was giddy with excitement. Game marching further into the night, the already useless D-Back pen spending pitchers like teams spend on managers, and there's Big George airing it out beyond the left field fence.

I was already drawing out the equation, thinking it might be the greatest series of trades in history: Kris & Anna Benson for John Maine, El Duque, and a walk-off win within the first week. Unprecedented! But . . . Melvin. Trundling out a series of non-descript, charisma-less relievers to actually record outs against my Mets! And Jorge remained in the bullpen. Lyon, Medders for three inn--

And then, what? As Medders warmed on the mound to open the 12th, Melvin took him out and brought in Julio to face . . . Carlos Delgado, 5-for-7 against the Hulking Venezuelan at that point. "Game Over," I wrote down. "Game Over."

Well, Delgado's now 5-for-8 (and badly in need of a day off as his numbers have dipped to 250/343/505), as Julio rang him up. Bastard. I hate him now. That's right, Jorge. If you're reading this (o si lees en la version Espanol), "I am not your friend anymore." This is tough. I feel betrayed. Let's continue.

Runs? You Don' Need No Stinkin' Runs! I'm concerned that Pedro will come to understand that the Mets aren't actually trying to score when he pitches. Knowing how incredible he is, I fear the fellas are only pretending to put up crooked numbers when they bat during his starts. In fact, I think they're actually getting their physical and mental rest during at-bats of games Pedro starts. Kind of like work on the day back after a summertime 3 day weekend. You're more tired than you were on Friday, but you go in and appear to actually do something, when in fact you're surfing the web, paying bills on-line, e-mailing your friends to report on the weekend's shenanigans.

This is what the Mets do when Pedro starts. If you looked real close you could see that David Wright was actually sending an e-mail by blackberry on a 1-2 count in the 6th inning. Beltran was checking out pictures of Shakira on his PDA just before he fouled the ball off the knee. Which is all fine and good, but when Pedro catches on, man it's gonna be ugly.

Luckily, he seems to have restrained himself after last night's, avoiding any "I didn't lose" talk with reporters. And why? Well, probably cause the Mets won. Otherwise, we might have seen something along the lines of, "I won the World Series tonight. I just didn't get support from my teammates and the schedule makers."

Jose can you see . . . that hole between short and third: As I feared last week, Jose Reyes is getting a bit fly ball happy. Not walking the last few games either. I'm hoping it's temporary.

No, but Endy can: Is it me, or does Chavez seem to get a late-inning, pinch hit, infield single every game?

Jose: Observe!

Shut Up Already: No. That's not me imitating you as you read this post. That's me talking to Gary Cohen as he diligently counted the rising number of homerless at-bats compiled by Luis Gonzalez every goddamn time he came to bat. Jeez, Gary, what the hell are you trying to do to us? Hasn't he read the Announcer's Don't Jinx Your Own Freakin Team Handbook? Are the Rules different on radio? Someone with connections talk to this guy, ok?

Man Chef? Chef Ram? Walking from the on-deck circle, Lastings Milledge looks like a younger, smaller version of Manny Ramirez. Yet, when he reaches the batter's box, he morphs into . . . Gary Sheffield. I'm serious. With the droopy pants, the shaggy 'do, the jaunty cap, and the emotionless face as he slouches and shambles to the batter's box, the young fella has his Manny Look cold. Check him out next time he plays, you'll see. It's uncanny.

Yet the second he digs in, he changes from Mellow Manny to Gunslingin' Gary, bobbing that bat up and down, staring menacingly at the mound. Or, as my wife said, joining me during one of Lasting's at-bats, "He's crazy." Of course, she also said "That's stupid," when Carlos Beltran fouled the ball off his knee, so perhaps there's no lesson here.

And, perhaps most importantly, despite his baggy pants, Milledge sports the high socks, in an obvious effort to win the approval of team captain, Keith Hernandez.

The Keith Hernandez Obsession Watch: As I pointed out here on Monday, Keith is obsessed with batter strike outs, level swings & high socks. In what I'm 100% certain will become a running entry here, I'd like to present to you the next two entries in the Keith Hernandez Obsession Watch: Tumbling & Angles.

Confused? Well, so am I. But I can explain. Keith was giddy with childlike excitement last night, enjoying the hell out of the seemingly standard camera angles showing replays of pitches. The angle in question? Hard to say, exactly, but it seemed to be the camera behind the batter. Or behind the pitcher. I'm not really sure. But on at least 15 different occasions, when they showed the replay of the pitch, Keith said something like, "So, watching the replay of that pitch from this excellent angle . . ." or "Looking at it from this fantastic angle . . ." I guess he's easy to please. Once they introduce him to slow motion, he may never leave the booth. Which makes me wonder, at what point in extra innings would he have gotten up and left Cohen to finish the game alone? He did mention needing to call his neighbor to "let the dog out."

And, once he recovered from the excitement of the "angles," Hernandez described every pitch other than a heater as possessing some "tumbling" action. Sliders? Curves? Change-ups? They all "tumble."

"You can see, if we watch from . . . this angle that when he throws the change-up, it just . . . tumbles out of the strike zone. Now, what's that chick doing within 25 feet of the field."