Thursday, December 07, 2006


Yes, that's right. It's once again time for me to go and learn & earn . . . so I can earn.


Well, I need to Learn something legal from some lawyer who's being paid handsomely to teach other lawyers. So I can Earn my Continuing Legal Education credits, as required by NY's Bar. And why is this so? So I can continue to Earn for the firm for which I'm employed, the astronomically high legal fees it charges its clients!

And the best part: Today's legal education topic is . . . Legal Ethics!

I don't even have a joke. Therefore, I'm opening the comments floor to everyone, to fill us in with your best Lawyer Joke. Your own joke. A tired, old classic you heard from a drunken sot at a bar with the scent of whiskey and cigarettes infusing the finely-tailored threads of his expensive suit. From a friend who forked over thousands of bucks to the counselor that "helped" him get a divorce.

It's your choice. And, I lied. I do have a joke. Here, to start things off, is a lawyer joke:

A man is standing in line for the ATM, when the fellow behind him starts rubbing his back & shoulders in a very deep, intense manner! Although it actually feels pretty good, the first gentleman is nonetheless shocked, so he turns around and snaps.

"What the hell? Why are you rubbing my back???"

To which the second man replies, "Well, I'm a massage therapist, so I'm just demonstrating my skills."

"Yeah, and I'm a lawyer," the first man shoots back, "but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of

Hahahaha. Get it? He was a lawyer, so he meant that . . . oh, never mind. Let fly with your own. The winner (chosen by a panel of Me, a Millionaire partner at a famous NYC firm, and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito) earns 2 CLE credits in Ethics.

Catch you all later.


Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

An oldie, maybe a goodie...

What do you call two lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Smitty said...

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

An oldie, maybe a goodie...

Well . . . it's certainly old.

Smitty's (which I've heard, but it's a good one) is in the lead right now, if only for the astonishing lameness of Ed's entry.

Ed, you're wife's a LAWYER!!! That's the best you can do?

1:12 PM  
Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

Mike - I lvoe my wife, and I love the bed we share. I have removed all lawyer jokes from my memory banks as a result.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Probably smart thinking there, Ed.

And being a lawyer, she'd not only send your ass to the couch, but seek a declaratory judgment explaining was she was justified in doing so.

Damn lawyers . . .

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

A good friend of mine, who seems to prefer lurking to posting, has sent the following joke:

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:

"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50.00."

Not great, but solid.

He also sent a cartoon, which is extremely funny, but it's some gif file that I can't link to. Alas.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

4:24 PM  
Blogger creature said...

CLE is such a scam.

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

CLE is such a scam.

You'll get no arguments here. Follow the links in the post back to my last two posts on CLE days, and you'll see what I think.

By the way, is this your entry in the lawyer joke contest, Creature? "CLE" being the punchline, I assume?

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

Hmmm... no jokes to contribute right now, but the old firm holiday party is tomorrow night. I'm hoping it will generate the next best thing to a joke: anecdotes.

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Ahhhhhhh, yes. The firm party.

Can't speak for your place, but in my opinion there's comedy, there's high comedy, and then there are drunk partners hitting the dance floor with the paralegals.

And of course, the anecdotes follow.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Roise said...

What do a sperm & a lawyer have in common?
A one in a million chance of being human.

A lawyer, social worker, and a couple of pretty girls are in a life-raft in the middle of the ocean. (fill in the blank for disaster of your choice) The raft is not moving toward the only island they can see. Sharks can be seen. The social worker decides he will be the one to swim & pull the raft towards the island. He is promptly eaten. The lawyer says "oh hell" jumps into the ocean, pulls the raft to the island; all the while the sharks just circle the raft. The girls are amazed (and greatful). "Why didn't the sharks eat you?"
"Professional Courtesy"

Hi from a lurker

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Those are pretty vicious, Roise. Good ones, that's for sure, but hard.

Welcome to the world of commenting. How could I have guessed that an invitation to make lawyer jokes would bring folks out of the Lurk-o-sphere!

9:10 AM  

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