Monday, December 18, 2006


Monday Morning. Tom explains.

Anyway, the pressure is getting to me. The pressure? Yes, the pressure. Every Monday morning I'm saddled with the task of perusing through thousands of pictures (plus one or two that aren't from east Asia) under Tom's chosen number, in order to arrive at the one perfect photo that combines the artistry, composition, subject material, and readily-available mockability that I need to keep you, the hundreds of millions of ordinary Americans citizens (and Time Magazine Person of the Year winners), happy and satisfied.

So you can see the stress it's causing. In order that America's workers begin the work week ready to be productive, up to the task of defending our shores from the barbarian hordes of terrorists, illegal workers, cheap overseas goods, and other threats to our non-negotiable way of life, I -- one humble blogger -- need to choose the one perfect picture upon which to imprint a caption of profound humor, pathos, sensitivity, wit, and uhhh . . . other things that manage to encapsulate the exact feelings of our citizenry. Who could handle such a task with turning into a quivering mess of anxiety and paranoia?

Well you know who can't? Me. I'm no longer able to handle it. The lost weight, the failed marriage (thank goodness the other three wives haven't jumped ship yet), the burgeoning meth habit. Enough is enough.

So I've decided to follow the weak-willed crowd and abnegate the solemnity of my duties. No more will I choose the one perfect picture. Herewith, a few not-quite perfect pictures. Choose the one that best suits your weekly needs.

Photo, The First: "100_9684" by "RoLdan1," on March 22, 2006.

After spending most of the family dinner sitting obediently at their own table, the dolphins always grew restless once dessert was served.

Photo, The Second: "IMG_9684," by "fbosche," on August 8, 2006.

Carol usually insisted that she and Greg pick up someone younger than her father when they went to the "Mountain Retreat Swingers Gathering," but the pickings were slim this year. And, to his credit, Shoehorn Harry's story about him and that prostitute from the winter of '44 intrigued her.

Photo, The Third: "IMG_9684," by "travelbunny," on March 25, 2006.

No matter how much she mugged for the camera and tried to distract everyone with her famous "Ruby-Red 'Ritas," no one failed to notice that Tanya brought leftovers to the party in a metal, takeout dish.

And they weren't amused.

And finally, Photo Number 4 (ha! a change-up): "IMG_9684," uploaded by "spnersm," on April 23, 2006.

Dawn made no attempt whatsoever to express her disgust at the humongous boil on the side of Dave's head.


Anonymous Pat J said...

Shoehorn Harry, ha ha! Nicely done, all were amusing.

You might try meditation or maybe some kickboxing to reduce your stress...

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

try . . . some kickboxing to reduce your stress

I did, but once my neighbors started going to the police to report me for assault, that's only added to the stress.

9:06 AM  
Blogger SpaceCowboy said...

Yes, I agree on Shoehorn Harry. I'll remember that name for quite some time.

And how dare they bring leftovers to a party!

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

how dare they bring leftovers to a party!

Some people. First they bring leftovers, then before you know it they steal your spouse, burn your house down, desecrate the graves of your loved ones. It's a slippery slope, I tell you.

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Steve H. said...

Haw! Nice job! See, the stress is gone, now that you've joined the Quantity Is Quality Club!

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

the Quantity Is Quality Club!

I've been a card-carrying member for decades now.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Weaseldog said...

3:43 PM  
Blogger Weaseldog said...

So how do I embed links again?

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

This will show you how.

4:04 PM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

bravo mike.

7:23 PM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

i remember from my new york days that you're supposed to use the metal take out dishes to take food from parties.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

you're supposed to use the metal take out dishes to take food from parties.

When you bring take-out grub to the fete, chances are you'll be leaving with it as well.

8:10 PM  

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