Thursday, December 14, 2006

SAVE THE CHILDREN . . . FROM AN ENDLESS BARRAGE OF IDIOCY

Straight from the "Hmmm, Maybe He's Not The 'Good Republican' Afterall" Files, check out this little snippet from Think Progress, about a bill sponsored by John McCain. If passed, the "Stop the Online Exploitation of Our Children Act of 2006" (yup, that's the real name) would mandate the following for blogs & networking sites (H/T Shakes):

* Commercial websites and personal blogs “would be required to report illegal images or videos posted by their users or pay fines of up to $300,000.”

* Internet service providers (ISPs) are already required to issue such reports, but under McCain’s legislation, bloggers with comment sections may face “even stiffer penalties” than ISPs.

* Social networking sites will be forced to take “effective measures” — such as deleting user profiles — to remove any website that is “associated” with a sex offender. Sites may include not only Facebook and MySpace, but also Amazon.com, which permits author profiles and personal lists, and blogs like DailyKos, which allows users to sign up for personal diaries.

So, if I get this straight, any blogger or host would be responsible for monitoring the content and links of his or her commenters. Does anyone even know what an "illegal image" is? A pic of a naked, underaged boy? A photo of a dead Iraqi boy not submitted through the proper channels by an "embedded" press photographer? One of the many photoshopped gems based on McCain's embarrassing man-hug with Bush?

I can't see this passing, especially under the new Congress. In addition to the standard save the children hysteria, I wonder if part of the impetus for this nonsense isn't the role the blogosphere played in last month's election. For that reason Republicans and the mainstream press have been all too eager to bash this growing 5th Estate. Though the Dem's historic stupidity is never to be underestimated, I don't see why those of the new Congress would let this gar-bage sneak through.

At any rate, should this pass, I implore those of you who count yourselves among the teeming hordes of my "regulars" (all four of you, or is it five these days?) to obey the following rules regarding comments:
1. No pictures of hot, luscious, naked women. E-mail them to me directly, and I'll let my team of legal experts determine whether they constitute "illegal images."

2. No posting of any really clever, especially humorous, or overly intelligent criticism of the President, Congress, members of the mainstream media, popular bloggers, or Paris Hilton. Again, submit these to me directly, so my crack staff can gauge their legality. And please remember to attribute these submissions to "Mike." That, ummm, makes it easier to get them through the, uhhh . . . the firewalls & the filters. Yeah, the filters.

3. To defray the massive costs I'll incur in monitoring compliance with this law, please send me a check, made out to "Mike," for $100. Remember, I'm a lawyer, so if you don't, I'll sue your ass.

4. Write a letter to John McCain telling him just how goddamn stupid this bill is, while reminding him that his hopes of gaining the Presidency hinge on the supposed support of moderates, centrists, independents, and others who normally don't vote Republican. And tell him that this shit could cost him dearly.
If it hasn't already.

6 Comments:

Blogger DED said...

I don't know what happened to McCain. Over the last year or two he's let his "maverick" status wither and started kissing the collective ass of cultural conservatives. At first I thought that it was just a ploy to grab Bush's base for the 2008 election, before other candidates (like Brownback) could. But he seems to enthusiastic about it.

While he still preaches his fiscal conservatism and desire for pork free government diet, this cultural conservative move is extremely disappointing. He used to have my vote wrapped up. Not anymore.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

No posting of any really clever, especially humorous, or overly intelligent criticism of the President, Congress, members of the mainstream media, popular bloggers, or Paris Hilton.

Well, I have nothing to worry about, so long as "clever" is one of the keynotes.

Poor John M. The man was pissed on by Bush in 2000, and yet he bends over or slurps at regular intervals.

Oh wait, "pissed on by Bush", is that clever?

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I dunno, DED. I was never the fan you were, but I'll cop to viewing him through a fairly unsullied lens. And I admired his (initial) stance regarding torture.

And then he caved, and has since been sloppily fellating the President who's never done good by him. Ever.

Hell, even during Vietnam, Bush was sucking down brews & scoring sorority girls in the national guard while McCain rotted & nearly died in the Hanoi Hilton.

He's a strange dude, and he'll never get my vote after what I've seen the past year. Hell, I might even consider voting for Hillary over him.

Ugh.

Ed-

Oh wait, "pissed on by Bush", is that clever?

Do I have to answer? Isn't there some aspect of McCain's Blogger Commenting & Juvenile Protection Bill that prevents me from offering my glowing compliments for your wit? ;-)

11:00 AM  
Blogger Thrillhous said...

If they really want to protect the kids, they should just ban congressmen from using the internets.

I know a guy who used to work for a DC polling outfit. Remember back in 2000 how McCain was all about never looking at the polls? My friend, a die-hard conservative, says McCain had a phone conference with them every single day during the campaign to talk about poll results. That killed the whole "straight talk" stuff for me.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Weaseldog said...

McCain is acting in the spirit of true bipartisanship. In other words, they finally cut him on on the graft.

Hogging all of the luchre is what really cost the Republicans and was Abramoff's big mistake.

If the Republicans had followed through with their vision of trickle down economics as the old guard did, almost all the Democrats would've been culpable in their crimes and the investigation stalled.

Now that Bush has trickled his favors on McCain, he's come around.

As to the $100 fee, the check is in the mail. You didn't provide an address to mail it to, so I just made one up. I did address it to Mike Mike, so I know you'll get it eventually.

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

McCain had a phone conference with them every single day during the campaign to talk about poll results.

And this wasn't even an internal McCain 2000 outfit, it was an independent polling group McCain hired?

Man, every time I realize a politician pulled one over on me, I feel dumb. I mean, even in 2000 he was a POLITICIAN!

Weas-

Thanks. Man, the bill hasn't even passed yet, and lucre is already flowing, as you said. I feel so valued.

And I'm thinking, regarding what Ed & were talking about earlier, that this sentence has all kinds of possibilities:

Now that Bush has trickled his favors on McCain, he's come around.

It's like a Beavis wetdream come to life, right here in the comments. I can see that $300,000 fine heading straight at me. Keep the checks coming, folks.

11:20 AM  

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