Tuesday, January 23, 2007

ELEPHANTS & JACKASSES ON PARADE

So what's the rumpus? Well, in addition to events of real importance, like Peyton Manning heaving the monkey from his back (and onto Handsome Tom's well-coiffed head), or the mind-blowing collection of fried food I shoveled into my mouth while watching said monkey-toss, we have the usual collection of happenings, occurences, and goings-on from the nation's capital.

Hillary is "In It To Win It," or so I've read. And I didn't even realize she'd hired Jesse Jackson's speechwriter.

As anyone who's cruised by here for even a brief scan of my prattlings & ravings knows, my hatred of that opportunistic grifter knows no bounds. Just like her impossibly overrated husband, she's a two-bit, Little Rock scam-artist beneath the pompous exterior. I'd say she'd sell her soul for a vote, but that implies she has one to peddle off. Even more than most politicians, her craven desire for personal power has no limit.

And as to what she's actually done -- rather than said -- through the years, she's a DLCer, through-and-through: a Democrat committed to slowly push the nation rightward, in an effort to win the votes of those with whom she ostensibly shares no views or ideology. Support for the Iraq War, constant lip-service to "traditional values" and such, silence on the Patriot Act & Military Commissions Act (or whatever it's called).

She sucks. I hope she loses, and loses badly.

And . . . as if we needed more humor & excitement, tonight The President faces the nation!

Which responds by spitting in his face! I can't even imagine the wheelbarrow of horseshit he'll roll out onto the House floor tonight, and I can't say I much care. But what does interest me a bit, is the reaction he'll get from the 535 in the audience. For 5 years now, we've watched him face the nation with Fat Denny over his shoulder, and a rogues gallery of Abramoff-payees & assorted sycophants standing & cheering every time he said the words "God," "Iraq," "Terror," or "Security." (And who failed to boo, hiss, & laugh when he said "nuke-ular.")

Well this time he'll have The Wicked Witch of the West behind him (no, not Hillary, she's from the East. And I'm referring to Nancy from the perspective of her political foes, not allies, supporters, or curious onlookers). And the audience will not be composed of a majority of his supporters. While I expect no razzing or rotten fruit tossing, neither do I expect a standing-o the first time he says, "America is the hope for the world," or some other line straight out of a Fox-produced propaganda film.

Anyhow, in honor of America's real January pastimes -- football & gambling -- let's play a game, shall we? Let's do an over/under for the following words & phrases in tonight's address. I'll put my picks next to the words & phrases, and all who want to win the Super Prize that I'm offering, just drop your answers in the comments. Tomorrow I'll announce the winner, and promise to give him or her the Super Prize(the one I'll never actually send). Here we go:

God -- 1. He didn't say it at all in his "Special Address" a couple weeks ago. I think he'll say it at the end, in a "God Bless America," sign-off, but that's it.

Terror/Terrorist/Terrorism -- 14.

Security/Safety -- 9.

Iraq (pronounced Eye-rack) -- 21

Iran (pronounced Eye-ran) -- 4

Syria -- 2

North Korea -- 2

Pakistan (the place where Osama bin Laden lives, presumably) -- 0

Same-Sex Marriage -- 0 (it's been a tough year, so no controversy, methinks)

Two men exchanging blow-jobs -- 0 (see above).

16 Year-old boy giving a blowjob to a Congressman -- 0. Unless Mark Foley decides to attend, and then 1.

Two men exchanging erotic massages & a meth pipe -- 0, unless he decides to make a shameless play to his "base," and then it'll be 4.

Hillary -- 0. Unless she bum-rushes the podium and announces, "I'm Hillary fuckin' Clinton, bitchez, and this is gonna be My Country. I don't care what Mellencamp says." And in that case, I'll predict 12.

19 Comments:

Anonymous John Royal said...

Okay, I'll take the over on God, Terror, Security, Iran, and Same Sex Marriage. I'll take the under on Iraq, Syria, and North Korea.

I'd like to add the following:

"Nuclear" -- 5 times (it gets thrown in with Iran).

"Justice" -- 3 times.

"Taxes/Tax Cut" -- 10 times.

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

"Nuclear" -- 5 times (it gets thrown in with Iran).

There's no way you can be correct there, John. He's never said the word "nuclear" in his life. WILL NOT HAPPEN.

10:24 AM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

I didn't say that he pronounce correctly. Otherwise, I'm guessing that you're taking the under.

10:47 AM  
Anonymous waitingforthealiens said...

Terror and derivatives …14 sounds about right

Security/safety….7

Iraq /Iraqi people…10

Iraq Study Group…0

Victory/win….2

Troops/ men and women in uniform…4

Iran…0

Chavez, Castro, Morales…0

Abramoff…0

Imported oil…3

Ethanol/ethanol/ethanol/ biofuels…8

Palestine …0

Health insurance…2

Climate change/global warming…1

Carbon trading…0

Bipartisanship/the peoples’ business…5

Cheney should be in jail…0

I should be in jail…0

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I didn't say that he pronounce correctly.

Hey! Don't go changing it up, man. Trying to adjust on the fly???

WFTA - That's quite a comprehensive bag of predictions. I with you on the "jail" calls.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

I have the over on all of them.

Methinks the "God" number is really low.

I vote for "Axis of Evil" he is not afraid to pull out a tired old phrase.

What about "Those who hate freedom"
I peg that at a 3.

"I'm Sorry" - a big fat 0

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Ed - I agree about the god part. But in the speech two weeks ago, he didn't say it even once. Not even a "God Bless America" to end the thing.

So I'm thinking maybe Karl gave him some new talking points regarding the Lord in Heaven (or Crawford, or whereever he lives).

11:12 AM  
Blogger DED said...

Where is Karl anyway these days? Haven't seen hair nor hide of him in weeks.

11:38 AM  
Anonymous waitingforthealiens said...

I think Karl is on a well deserved vacation or finalizing the tactics for blaming the press for the failure in Iraq. I hate to be reminded that the fat fuck is on the federal payroll.

Mike,

Don’t sugarcoat it on Hillary. Tell us how you really feel. However, I cannot understand how you could refer to the greatest president of the 20th century, William Jefferson Clinton, as overrated.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I cannot understand how you could refer to the greatest president of the 20th century, William Jefferson Clinton, as overrated.

I assume you're being ironical-like, and all. If not, you got some 'splainin' to do, WFTA. I await.

12:39 PM  
Blogger George said...

First, I'm not as riled up about it, but I'm with you on Hilary. If nothing else, can't we have a prez not named Bush or Clinton?

Second, you're way under on Iran and over on Iraq. Bush is a man of forward vision, you know.

Third, he'll say steroids at least twice, but won't admit he and Sosa shot up together.

Fourth, if he even metaphorically Frenches Lieberman, I think that should count as "two men exchanging blowjobs."

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I'm not as riled up about it

You think this is "riled"? You should've seen me a few years ago when she actually looked like the Dem front-runner.

if he even metaphorically Frenches Lieberman, I think that should count as "two men exchanging blowjobs."

True. Afterall, he didn't mention "God" last time, but he did mention "Joe Lieberman."

12:58 PM  
Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

Mike - Don't let the Obama hype fool you. Hillary is the front runner. Barack is the golden boy at the moment, but he is too green to be serious at this point. And the rest of the Dem's are weak, with the exception of Edwards (who is my favorite for now). Richardson, please. Kerry, please stay the f out of this.

Get me Al Gore on the phone. Hear me Obi-Al, you're our only hope.

Prepare for a lot of Faux News reports using Barack's full name

Barack Hussein Obama

Bank on it.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Ed - You see today's NY Post headline: "N.M. Governer Throws Sombrero Into The Ring"

Clearly, Obama "Hussein" headlines should not surprise.

1:33 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Prepare for a lot of Faux News reports using Barack's full name

There were already reports out over the weekend about him attending a madrassassassafras school thingie or whatever they call it. It was a total crock of shit of course. And it was also erroneously linked to Hilary's campaign HQ. So not only are they lying, they're trying to pin in on someone else!

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

madrassassassafras school thingie

I like it.

6:13 PM  
Anonymous Toast said...

Wait, Mike: How do you feel about Hillary?

7:39 AM  
Blogger Dwilkers said...

...you didn't actually watch that did you?

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

...you didn't actually watch that did you?

Scroll up two posts.

12:14 PM  

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