Wednesday, February 14, 2007

JUST DOING MY PART TO SPREAD THE HATE (ABOUT THE ONLY THING LIKELY TO GET SPREAD TODAY)

I fucking hate Valentine's Day.

Yeah, that's certainly a vestige of my lamer days in years past when I had no one upon whom to lavish expensive gifts, sicky-sweet chocolates, and $5 roses. But I've been married now for 7 1/2 years and you know what?

I still fucking hate Valentine's Day. More than ever.

Because instead of pining away, wallowing in my loserishness because I have no lady-most-fair to spend my money on in hopes of getting a little action, now I do have a lady-most-fair to spend my money on. And I still don't get any action on Valentine's Day.

Which feels normal after a long run of fallow February Fourteenths throughout my twenties. I actually had one very successful Valentine's Day, about 11 or 12 years ago, where I had the incredibly good fortune to have not one, but two lovelies awaiting my February affections on that chocolate-covered holiday. One was the girl I was . . . let's say, "dating" at the time. And the other was a "friend" who was so distraught at not having a V-Day beau that she deigned to hit the town with me that eve. It worked out rather well from my perspective, that much I'll say. The details were nice, but I won't enumerate them here. I'm a gentleman.

(And I also have an equal interest in my manly & virile reputation and my own honesty, so a conflict awaits if I start talking too much. Use your imaginations. I guarantee it's twice as exciting as the truth)

Anyhow, Mrs. Mike & I decided last week that we'd avoid the crap and "skip" Valentine's Day this year. I still got her a little gift that's more in the line of what she likes the other 364 days of the year, as opposed to what she's been programmed to want on this one day. Which is good, actually. That way if she forgets our "deal" and gets mad at me tonight for being cheap & unromantic it'll feel . . . normal. Routine.

And if I go to bed without showering her with my Valentinish love, well that'll be pretty standard as well. Either way, I can't lose.

13 Comments:

Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

Oh man, you're in trouble.

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I'm always in trouble, Ed. It's when I'm not that I get worried.

12:06 PM  
Blogger Coop said...

Gosh you guys are so p-whipped, LOL. I don't even celebrate V-day. And I'm a girl who's been in a relationship for over 6 years. I just don't like romantic sentiments. Besides, I've had way too many disasters in my lifetime on V-Day to care about one day out of the freaking year. It is just that -- one day that's entirely commercialized. If I were Mrs. Mike, Mike, I wouldn't complain. You have the Coop seal of approval here!

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mike, I wouldn't complain either. I hate =all= the over-commercialized holidays, and VD panders almost entirely to women making out like bandits on men's backs. Sexist crap!

Donna

12:33 PM  
Blogger Dwilkers said...

I loathe this time of year.

No real holidays, nothing but cold and gray, and to top it off we get a retarded pseudo-holiday once every month or so that we're supposed to remember and buy gifts for.

We don't get out of that pattern until Memorial Day, and that's May 31st FGS.

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

you guys are so p-whipped,

Hey! Don't lump me with Ed. I wrote this post, right?

And . . . happy to see that among the curmugeons joining me in a good VDay bash are two ladies.

Dwilk - I can't agree about February. True it's cold, and it's that weird limbo zone between football and baseball, but the days are getting longer.

So I think it's actually a time where peoples' moods improve.

12:45 PM  
Blogger George said...

Pitchers and catchers report tomorrow--what more could we want!

Well, we could want not to have to hear about you showering Mrs. Mike with your love....

For VD at the INOTBB household we just make a good dinner, give each other homemade cards, and have the good time we have every night. We've almost been married 10 years, so liking each other is plenty.

It's also Mookie adoption day, so we sing happy anniversary with him a bunch, too.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Note to self: no sophmoric analogies for climaxing for George.

Gotcha.

Actually, your VDay sounds like the way we've done it in the past. This just happens to be the first time I have the opportunity (and the medium) to shower my vitriol upon the masses.

And happy anniversary to Mookie.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

That's funny stuff, Mike. You're right. Why do we need a Valentine's Day holiday to come along and cause something else for spouses to get made at each other about.

I've been married 7 and a half years, too, since good old August 1999. The wedding was 10 days before I started law school. Not the best timing, but a good way to get any questions about long-term compatibility out of the way.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

I meant to reference spouses getting "mad at" (not made at) each other. Not sure what that would mean...

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Kelly - We also married in August 1999. That was the summer between 1L & 2L.

My wife (then girlfriend) moved in a few weeks before law school though. Very similar reasons/circumstances as you.

2:58 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Mrs. Mike & I decided last week that we'd avoid the crap and "skip" Valentine's Day this year.

Wish I could, but I proposed on Valentine's Day so I always have to do at least a little something.

1999 seems to have been a popular year for weddings here in the Neighborhood. Mrs. DED and I were wed on May 1st.

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I proposed on Valentine's Day

What a romantic!

12:18 PM  

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