Tuesday, February 13, 2007

NEVER DROOL ON YOUR KEYBOARD, ONLY ON YOUR LAP

Researchers claim that a brief, midday nap makes you live longer. Sounds good to me.

I'm the master of the work-place stealth nap. I just swing my chair around so it faces away from the door, slump down a bit so my head is below the chair back, and let 'er rip. If I can get up to close the door first I'll do so, but everyone knows that if you get up for any reason at that key "sliding into sleep point," you can lose your chance. And then you'll just be slumping with your eyes closed, without getting any sleep. No good -- not worth the lost time, not worth the risk of detection.

Incidentally, the turn-the-chair-around technique isn't only to avoid detection -- which isn't that big a deal when you think about it. No, no, no. It also helps to hide those embarrassing things we do when we nap: spasmatic kicking, head bobbing, drooling, snoring, farting, muttering, what have you. I mastered my method years ago when I had an officemate, so you can bet my skills are unparalleled. No bullshit: it took him months to realize what I was up to every time I spun that chair around.

The brief feeling of confusion & foggy-headedness in the momnets after you wake is unpleasant, but within about 3-5 minutes, I'm re-charged, and ready to rock the rest of the afternoon away.

And that ends this public service announcement.

4 Comments:

Blogger Otto Man said...

You can't get up to close the door? Are you a narcoleptic? Do they find you slumped over the copier, too?

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Nice.

But -- ahem -- please note that I said I choose not to get up to close the door in most circumstances because I lose the sleepies.

Oh, whatever.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Mr Furious said...

Geez, Mike, my two week old daughter manages her "sleepies" better...

Back in my grunt days in the world of graphic design, the stat darkroom was my refuge of choice. Flick on the red light, fifteen minutes later i was ready to rock.

When I return to work next week, I have a feeling the baby will have me trying out your techniques.

12:33 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Jeez. And I thought I'd win fans with my tales of stolen winks.

Next time I'll brag about the all-nighters I pulled in college.

1:18 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home