Wednesday, October 22, 2008


You know, if I'm Tony Parker, I think it's time to start worrying.

(Of course if I was Tony Parker, I'd be Black, French, an NBA star, and married to a famously hot woman. I'm married to a non-famously hot woman, but that's neither here nor there.* But I'm neither Black, nor French, nor tall enough, talented enough, nor young enough to be an NBA star. Nonetheless, I will forge onward with my opinion.)

Anyhow, if I'm Tony Parker, when I lie in bed at night next to my famously hot wife, at some point my mind will inevitably run through the following syllogism:
1. She obviously digs pro-athletes who appear in, and sometimes win, the championship series of their sport.

2. Major league baseball players are pro-athletes.

3. The World Series is the championship of Major League Baseball.

Now, if I'm Tony Parker, my mind may also wander to a couple other unfortunate facts. Namely:
1. Derek Jeter, A-Rod, (and other non-major leaguers like "Handsome" Tom Brady) have parlayed their appearances, and occasional victories, in the World Series into well-documented off-the-field career having sex with A-list actresses, supermodels, international singing stars, beauty pageant winners, and about 84.72% of the other women on earth who qualify as "hot."

2. Evan Longoria is 23 years-old, in the World Series, and on the verge (of not already over the verge) of becoming a really good baseball player.

3. Evan Longoria is but 4 to 7 baseball games (i.e., about 2 weeks) away from embarking on a successful off-field career having sex with about 84.72% of the hottest women on earth.
And . . . if alllllllllll that ain't enough, if I'm Tony Parker I'll acknowledge what I always try to ignore: his last name and all but one letter of his first name are exactly the same as my wife's name!

And then I'll realize, the world of celebrity being what it is, she has no choice but to embark on an affair with the successful young lad little bastard.

But then if I'm Tony Parker I'll also remember that I'm an NBA star who has Eva Longoria on his "resume," figure there have to be at least 4 or 5 super-hot women out there named Tori Parker, and fall back asleep.
* Yes, that was a "juuuuuuuust in case my wife reads this post" measure. Don't anybody tell you I don't know what I'm doing, huh? They don't call me Dr. Smooooove for nothing.**
** They don't call me Dr. Smooooove, but if they did, there'd be a damn good reason.

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Blogger Smitty said...

And here we sit, famous for nothing, with no chance of getting banged by Eva Longoria. Oh well. My sports career ended as a second-string Division 2 right guard. Not due to injury. Due to graduation and subsequent career work. Apparently, not even the Detroit Lions wanted a hard-hitting but relatively slow and short second-string Division 2 right guard.

8:57 AM  
Blogger George said...

I thought it was His Royal Highness of the Smoooooooth.

And my guess is since Evan Longoria is a major league ballplayer, he can have sex with 80% of the hot women in the world. Probably many of the men, too.

Hey, HRH, didn't you see the Feelies? How come you never wrote about?

5:39 PM  
Blogger George said...


[word missing from my last comment]

5:39 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

George enters the world of gravitars. Is that a shadow of Mookie? Nigel?

7:07 AM  
Blogger Rickey Henderson said...

As long as a tape of the Longoria affair surfaces at some point, Rickey's cool with it.

8:06 AM  
Blogger George said...


But you didn't answer my Feelies question.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Mr Furious said...

I mocked Evan Longoria last year for having the most unfortunate name in the League...

Now? Something tells me in ten years Evan will be the famous one, and Eva will be doing infomercials.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

George, the Feelies show was excellent. They were very tight, very energetic. Glen wore shades the whole show and was very much in his "rock star" persona.

Here's the set-list. As you can see they played a lot of stuff off Good Earth and hit Crazy Rhythms pretty extensively too. I'd have liked a bit more Time for a Witness material, but no complaints. Also some sweet covers:

1 On The Roof
2 The High Road
3 Nobody Knows
4 Let’s Go
5 Deep Fascination
6 Higher Ground
7 The Final Word
8 Time Is Right
9 Away
10 Slipping (Into Something)
11 Doin’ It Again
12 Too Far Gone
13 Raised Eyebrows
14 Crazy Rhythms
16 She Said She Said (Beatles)
17 Paint it Black (Rolling Stones)
19 I Wanna Sleep In Your Arms (Modern Lovers)
20 Outdoor Miner (Wire)

"Deep Fascination" and "Slipping" were the highlights in my opinion.

7:06 AM  
Blogger George said...

Thanks--did you steal the set list or is your memory that good? Never thought about Feelies v Wire but that sort of make sense.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

steal the set list

Is that what you Santa Barbarans are calling cutting and pasting from a web site these days?

Wire is one of those bands I'm curious about. Don't know them too well, but what I've heard I like. I have an album on I-Tunes but never gave it a full listen.

7:44 PM  

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