SHORT THOUGHTS ON A MATTER OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE

You know, if I'm Tony Parker, I think it's time to start worrying.

(Of course if I was Tony Parker, I'd be Black, French, an NBA star, and married to a famously hot woman. I'm married to a non-famously hot woman, but that's neither here nor there.* But I'm neither Black, nor French, nor tall enough, talented enough, nor young enough to be an NBA star. Nonetheless, I will forge onward with my opinion.)

Anyhow, if I'm Tony Parker, when I lie in bed at night next to my famously hot wife, at some point my mind will inevitably run through the following syllogism:

1. She obviously digs pro-athletes who appear in, and sometimes win, the championship series of their sport.

2. Major league baseball players are pro-athletes.

3. The World Series is the championship of Major League Baseball.

Uh-oh.

Now, if I'm Tony Parker, my mind may also wander to a couple other unfortunate facts. Namely:

1. Derek Jeter, A-Rod, (and other non-major leaguers like "Handsome" Tom Brady) have parlayed their appearances, and occasional victories, in the World Series into well-documented off-the-field career having sex with A-list actresses, supermodels, international singing stars, beauty pageant winners, and about 84.72% of the other women on earth who qualify as "hot."

2. Evan Longoria is 23 years-old, in the World Series, and on the verge (of not already over the verge) of becoming a really good baseball player.

3. Evan Longoria is but 4 to 7 baseball games (i.e., about 2 weeks) away from embarking on a successful off-field career having sex with about 84.72% of the hottest women on earth.

And . . . if alllllllllll that ain't enough, if I'm Tony Parker I'll acknowledge what I always try to ignore: his last name and all but one letter of his first name are exactly the same as my wife's name!

And then I'll realize, the world of celebrity being what it is, she has no choice but to embark on an affair with the successful young lad little bastard.

But then if I'm Tony Parker I'll also remember that I'm an NBA star who has Eva Longoria on his "resume," figure there have to be at least 4 or 5 super-hot women out there named Tori Parker, and fall back asleep.
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* Yes, that was a "juuuuuuuust in case my wife reads this post" measure. Don't anybody tell you I don't know what I'm doing, huh? They don't call me Dr. Smooooove for nothing.**
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** They don't call me Dr. Smooooove, but if they did, there'd be a damn good reason.