Friday, May 19, 2006


Nero fiddled as Rome burned. Medieval philosophers debated how many angels could dance on the head of a pin. In the 1500's, the Christian World split in two, leading to a counter-reformation and eventually the bloody 30 Years War. Among the causes of this rift? The question of Transubstantiation: do "bread & wine" contain the body & blood of Christ, or are they merely symbols.

And in the first decade of the 21st Century, the legislative Upper House of the world's most powerful country works feverishly into the night to determine, once & for all, whether English is America's "national language," or its national "common and unifying language."

I don't even know what that means. And I'm not interested in finding out.

Politics, like magic, has long required mastery in the art of misdirection, but I can't recall another election year with so many distractions, red herrings, pork-filled boondoggles and other such nonsense. As November approaches, these mid-term elections should serve as a referendum on the direction of our country: do we like what's gone down the past 5 years, and do we want it to continue? A vigorous press and a concerned citizenry should force Senators and Representatives to explain where they stand on Executive power, on the debt, on monetary shenanigans, on the 4th Amendment, on our military adventurism.

Instead, they argue whether to build a wall on the border with Mexico, and engage in a massive circle jerk on the Senate floor regarding the status of the language we've spoken here for 400 years.

If only I could filibuster.


Blogger Weaseldog said...

Have they found that Rich White Girl in Aruba yet?

Did they find Hoffa?

Who's gonna win American Idol?

11:48 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

They're closing in on Hoffa. Our 31 year journey through hell and back is -- thankfully -- almost over.

Just think, once they find his body, happy days'll be here again!

12:27 PM  
Blogger Happy Friday said...

So, Mikey, what are YOU going to do about all of this??

7:08 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

"So, Mikey, what are YOU going to do about all of this??"

Well, well, well, now that's a different type of comment than usual. Let's see, where to begin . . .

First off, this one seems to place me in too polar camps. I knew that eventually someone would bust out the "Mikey," to add just a bit of extra punch to a derogatory comment. Congrats, Mr. Friday, you're the first to do so.

Also, Mr. Friday seems to overrate my ability to effect change in the world. Despite my status as lawyer-on-the-outs and simple blogger, I am, apparently, one of the select who can do something "about all of this." I tried to keep this a secret from my readers, but now that the cat's out of the bag, here we go.

In recognition of my previously unknown status as World Changer, I feel it is my solemn duty to outline for Mr. Friday & everyone else exactly what I've tried to do. I then show why I failed in these regards, and finally reveal what I've decided to do instead.

The Failed Options:

1. Ride at the head of my Rebel Army and topple the government in a coup. This plan fell apart because my soldiers were stuck at their computers *reading* what I was going to tell them to do. A paradoxical lack of communication. My bad.

2. Hack into the United States' servers and disable the government electronically. But I'm totally incompetant when it comes to technology, so this was a non-starter. My bad.

3. Run for Elected Office. I've already raised $4.57 in just the first 2 1/2 weeks. But I think I started too late, as I'll need to raise about $10-15M more over the next 5 months. My bad. Big one.

The Option That Seemed Too Hard Even To Attempt:

1. Teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, buy it a coke, and keep it company. Too many variables here. I just don't have the time or energy, though the inclination's there. A few volunteers, and I may give this one a go yet.

The Option that I chose in their stead:

1. Complain and go for cheap laughs at the President's expense in an effort to entertain and make myself look clever. This one's going pretty well so far. Depending on what one thinks of my blog: My Bad or my Good.

So there you have it, Mr. Friday. I'm pretty much doing what I can. I hope that's enough for you. If not, I'm open to additional suggestions.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Naymit said...

Now, that was one long-winded response to a comment that since the days on kinder-garden play ground deserved nothing more than a punch to the nose, or if you were of a more mild temperament a non-ellaborate "fuck off".
Than again, your way is funnier.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Long winded & funny.

Aw shucks, now you got me blushing.

1:08 PM  
Blogger DED said...

I don't know which was better: the original post or the reply to happy friday.

But with regards to the original post, I don't believe that the amount of mindless bs in this election is any different that the amount of mindless bs from at least the past 3 elections. It might even be longer but I was still single back then and had a life, so I was able to tune out the rhetoric until November 1st when I did my pre-election research and, shortly thereafter, vote.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Mike said...


Interesting. My "tuning out" skills have grown sharper than a sushi knife since marriage came my way.

7:20 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Heh. Well, I've been accused of that by my better half from time to time too. But I'll clarify a bit. When I was single, I was too busy living life, rather than staking a claim to it. Since settling down, buying a house, and becoming a stay home Dad, I've had more time to listen to the spew pouring out of the 24/7 news channels.

So from 2000 on, I've seen the election cycle crap come back each time. I think that the presidential elections are worse than the midterm ones because there's more at stake. With the 24/7 channels and the internet, I think that it's harder to hide from the bs than it used to be. There's fewer places that you can hide now, though surprisingly ignorance of the facts remains just as high.

10:11 PM  

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