Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Local news agencies are reporting a crush of Sea Lions into the wealthy, California coastal community of Newport Beach. Known for their drinking, carousing, barking, and really foul fish breath, the arrival of the Sea Lions has the town up in arms.

"When you combine fun-loving sea mammals, alcohol, and pleasure boats at dock, it can't help but get out of control," Don McGuire, the owner of a local hardware store told us. "I mean, my daughter goes to high school here. How am I gonna keep her away from these damn seals? C'mon."

His neighbor, Theresa Hamilton, describing herself as a "Christian Homemaker," said only that "it's that Krazy Kelp, I tell you. Why do you think they call it sea weed, huh? Huh?!"

Wildly inebriated, and far too distracted by a parade of local girls, as well as a few young seals who apparently snuck out of the local aquarium for the day, only one of the Sea Lions spoke to us. Wearing a red doo-rag and a tattoo of the words "Sex" and "Linkin Park," written in Chinese characters on his tail fin, a young Sea Lion identifying himself only as "Joe," told us that "my parents think I'm diving for abalone near Canada," before turning to one of our female camera operators, boisterously demanding that she "Show Us Your Flippers."


Blogger ajsmith said...

One correction:

I was there, and the sea lion definitely said "show us your flippers, biyatch."

Then again, it's a family blog, so I understand.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Family Blog???

Them's fightin' words.

12:56 PM  

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