Wednesday, June 14, 2006

WELL, I GUESS I'M CONVINCED NOW

According to this A.P. article, an Afghan delegation visiting the U.S. Detention Center at Guantanamo Bay reported that the prison conditions are "humane." The head of the delegation, Abdul Jabar Sabhet of the Interior Ministry, insisted that he and his group spoke freely with all 96 Afghan prisoners at the Cuban Shithole we know as Gitmo. He also added that "only one or two" prisoners complained.

On a side note, American guard Charlie "Biff" Peterson assured us later on that "both complaining detainees" were "tortured most extravagantly" after the Afghan contingency left the compound. Asked for details, Peterson claimed "that information's classified," but he nevertheless hinted that "dogs, electrodes, meat thermometers, lesbian poetry, besmirched Islamic Holy Books," and maybe "an especially sadistic Santeria priest" were involved.

Speaking with the press as his motorcade rode to the airport for the long return flight, Minister Sabhet explained to us that, "Conditions of the jail was humane. There were rumors in [Afghanistan] about that. It was wrong. What we have seen was OK."

Unprompted by questions, he also added that, "George Bush is probably the finest man America has produced. He is both loved and admired in my home country. I would also like to express my gratitude and respect for Richard Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld as well as the oily, fat guy who just escaped serious criminal charges in your country. I cannot recall his name, but I assure you we Afghans respect and admire him as well."

Asked if he wished to extend a word to Secretary of State, Condeleeza Rice, Sabhet declined, telling us that, "were I to mention a woman in a positive light, I'd be stoned to death on the tarmac at the Kabul airport. This is an unpreferred outcome."

8 Comments:

Blogger DED said...

I'm sure by Taliban standards its quite pleasant.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I follow your implied point, and I agree to the extent that we're talking about the Taliban.

But the minute we find ourselves rationalizing our actions by comparing them to repressive, medieval regimes, that's a baaaaaaaaad sign.

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Barry said...

Well, Mike - your penchant for posting all the news that worth posting (and the carefully researched background information) have made me a 'believer.' Things must be 'just great!' Glad to hear the 'detainees' are 'enjoying' their stay - did anyone mention the pool, the bar, the great evening shows?
Seriously, love your humor. Keep on truckin' :-)

11:20 AM  
Anonymous monsieur y said...

Let's play a game. How about we play "Name that asshat"?
Okay, I'll go first. This guy is the president of a large, bankrupt, North American country.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Monsieur-

Which airline has attained "country" status?

2:37 PM  
Anonymous monsieur y said...

Jose can ju si, by de dawns early light? What so proudly we hail from de twilights last gleaming. And de rockets red glare, de sulphur bombs in de air gave proof through de night that our flag was still there. Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave? For de land of de free, and de home of de brave.

That one always tears me a new one. I've never been so proud to be an American as I am when I realize that we do not shirk from our responsibilities to torture and pillage the rest of the world while at the same time neglecting our own borders so that the few can profit handsomely from the misery of the many. God bless America!

4:15 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Oh, I wasn't implying what you think I was implying. I was implying that the Afghan delegation was used to the horrendous conditions of the Taliban and that they were using that as their standard of measure. "Hey, these guys have it so much easier than we did under the Taliban. What a bunch of wusses."

5:37 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Ded-

Gotcha. They're such a threat to our way of life, I can't even understand simple comments.

10:15 AM  

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