"HELL, I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD JUST SAY 'NO' TO ANYTHING I FELT LIKE"
Yes, indeed folks, it happened. After five-and-a-half years, the impossible has become reality. George Bush, the president who never met a spending bill he didn't like, has issued a Veto.
As promised, the Decider vetoed a bill that would ease limits on federal embryonic stem cell research funding. I guess we've had it all wrong; George does keep his promises. Declaring that he couldn't support a bill that claims "innocent human lives," Bush demonstrated once and for all that a formless blob of cells is more important (and somehow more "innocent") than soldiers in the armed forces he commands.
And, most importantly, he's discovered the veto! Now, like the impulsive boy he's proven to be, we can only assume he'll get a bit veto-happy in the coming months. A few possibilities:
1. A Veto of the November Elections: Technically not legislation, so it's a tad unclear how this veto would work procedurally. But Bush has never been a stickler for Constitutional details.
Or fair elections. So this one shouldn't be a problem.
2. A Veto of the Legislative Branch of the Federal Government: this presents not only the "procedural difficulties" of the previous example (in that there's no legislation to object to), but since this branch is already toothless, it's also redundant.
3. A Veto of All Tax Obligations for a Select Cadre of his Friends and Supporters: For instance, demonstrating his continued misunderstanding of what, exactly, a veto is, Bush could "veto" the requirement of income tax for Dick Cheney, his father, his brother, his other brother, and all Saudi oilmen who conduct business in the U.S.
4. A Veto of "Vetoing," Should Anyone Not Meeting Administration Approval Win the 2008 Election: For instance, if any Democrat, Independent or Republican not named "Jeb Bush" wins the election, Bush could preemptively veto the incoming executive's veto power.
Then again, I'm not sure he'll be able to follow the logic there, so it's unlikely.
And finally . . .
5. A Veto of the Entire Bill of Rights: "Hey, ya'll don' need to, ya know, to worry about the . . . the Bill a' Rights is jus' another thing that y'all don' need to worry about. Ya got yer' rights, you don' need a bill to protect 'em. So, my fella Amer'cans, I'm jus' gonna have ta' veto that bill. A' rights. God Bless Amer'ca, and God Bless the veto. And Amer'ca. Now where the hell's Merkel? It's massage time!"