Wednesday, July 19, 2006

"HELL, I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD JUST SAY 'NO' TO ANYTHING I FELT LIKE"

Ring the bells, lock up the children, get on yer' knees and start praying, and for goodness sake make sure you've got a valid will. The end is surely nigh!

Yes, indeed folks, it happened. After five-and-a-half years, the impossible has become reality. George Bush, the president who never met a spending bill he didn't like, has issued a Veto.

As promised, the Decider vetoed a bill that would ease limits on federal embryonic stem cell research funding. I guess we've had it all wrong; George does keep his promises. Declaring that he couldn't support a bill that claims "innocent human lives," Bush demonstrated once and for all that a formless blob of cells is more important (and somehow more "innocent") than soldiers in the armed forces he commands.

And, most importantly, he's discovered the veto! Now, like the impulsive boy he's proven to be, we can only assume he'll get a bit veto-happy in the coming months. A few possibilities:

1. A Veto of the November Elections: Technically not legislation, so it's a tad unclear how this veto would work procedurally. But Bush has never been a stickler for Constitutional details.

Or fair elections. So this one shouldn't be a problem.

2. A Veto of the Legislative Branch of the Federal Government: this presents not only the "procedural difficulties" of the previous example (in that there's no legislation to object to), but since this branch is already toothless, it's also redundant.

3. A Veto of All Tax Obligations for a Select Cadre of his Friends and Supporters: For instance, demonstrating his continued misunderstanding of what, exactly, a veto is, Bush could "veto" the requirement of income tax for Dick Cheney, his father, his brother, his other brother, and all Saudi oilmen who conduct business in the U.S.

4. A Veto of "Vetoing," Should Anyone Not Meeting Administration Approval Win the 2008 Election: For instance, if any Democrat, Independent or Republican not named "Jeb Bush" wins the election, Bush could preemptively veto the incoming executive's veto power.

Then again, I'm not sure he'll be able to follow the logic there, so it's unlikely.

And finally . . .

5. A Veto of the Entire Bill of Rights: "Hey, ya'll don' need to, ya know, to worry about the . . . the Bill a' Rights is jus' another thing that y'all don' need to worry about. Ya got yer' rights, you don' need a bill to protect 'em. So, my fella Amer'cans, I'm jus' gonna have ta' veto that bill. A' rights. God Bless Amer'ca, and God Bless the veto. And Amer'ca. Now where the hell's Merkel? It's massage time!"

11 Comments:

Blogger DED said...

Looks like Nancy's rallying cry of "Win One For The Gipper" falls on deaf ears with W.

Had I known that W was going to be so reluctant to use his veto power, I would've started a "W's First Veto" pool.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous fizure said...

Indeed, another example of how the majority evangelical community is highjacking vital scientific research in the name of "Jesus" and fundementalism.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous fizure said...

Fundamentalism* ... Sorry, had to correct that... see what happens when you are typing to enthusiastically?

3:47 PM  
Anonymous fizure said...

too*...

Mike is gonna kill me... =]

3:48 PM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

Bush considers human life to be precious, right up until the moment of birth.

After that, fuck 'em.

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Fiz, you wacky, crazy kid, you.

Deeeeeeep breaths. Deeeeeeep. You are feeling more relaxed . . .

4:01 PM  
Blogger BaconEating AtheistJew said...

Why waste money on research using potential Christian embrios when Jesus is coming back within 30 years anyways?
Money is better spent filling up gas tanks, because Christians need a full tank of gas if their car is gonna make it to heaven on Rapture day.

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Petropest said...

After the election he will be using his veto pen a lot more. He will probably be the first president in history to veto his own impeachment.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...

OMG! Did you see Bush try to give Merkel a neck rub at the G-8? It was on The Daily Show today. She put a Judo defense move on him and shrunk back in abject horror. Who did he think he was grabbing there, Monica Lewinsky or Condi or someone else perhaps? That man is the biggest friggin' embarassing stain on this country there ever could be. I would rather if he got drunk and ran across the white house lawn naked than do some of the hideous crap he's been doing and saying lately. The man is a retard, pure and simple. My apologies to Germany and Ms. Merkel.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Thrillhous said...

Mike, you have a future in Abu Gonzalez's office. I hear they too think the bill of rights is quaint.

Hey, ya think Bush will add a signing statement to his veto?

7:38 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Hmmmm, the veto + signing statement.

I think Georgie's gonna like the sound of that one. Veto + signing statement + roast pig on a spit, he may just take 3 weeks in Crawford.

8:33 AM  

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