IF WORLD LEADERS HAD A MEETING IN THE FOREST AND NOBODY HEARD A WORD THEY SAID . . .

A.P. "Econonics Writer," Jeannine Aversa, has given us a valuable look inside the much-ballyhooed G-8 meeting held this week in St. Petersburg, Russia. According to Aversa, microphones actually picked up America's Commander-in-Chief telling the following to Tony Blair & Vladimir Putin:

"See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doin this s--- and it's over."

Kofi Annan needs to get on the phone with Syrian President Assad and "make something happen."

A discussion of Blair's sweater, which saw the PM admitted that he "absolutely" picked it out himself.

And, "You eight hours? Me too. Russia's a big country and you're a big country. Takes him eight hours to fly home. Not Coke, diet Coke. ... Russia's big and so is China. Yo Blair, what're you doing? Are you leaving?"

As always, I'm compelled to note, those are the actual conversations, as reported by Aversa & A.P. To repeat, this is what America's President talks about at a meeting of the leaders of the world's most powerful nations as the global economy shudders, and while a regional conflict rages (read: the latest potential for WWIII brews in the World's Powder Keg). I'm serious; check the link.

Although not confirmed by A.P., Pavel Bazarov, our insider in St Petersburg, tells us that "secret microphone once used in Reykjavik by KGB to listen to Reagan speak to Schultz, Weinberger, Nancy and astrologer," has also picked up the following exchange between the three leaders:

GB: So whattaya' ya'll think a' Angela [Merkel, the German Chancellor]? I kinda like, ya know, the whole tough, German chick thing.

VP: I had plenty German girl when travel to DDR in 80s. They not great.

TB: Actually, if I can be honest, I think she's wonderful. A strict German lady has an effect over me that I can't quite describe. As a boy, my nanny was a Teutonic woman, and she always spoke with an accent that was so harsh, even as it was --

GB: I never had a German. I went to, ya know, to the, to Germany once, but . . . hey! Yeah, you. Get me some a' that sturgeon stuff. Putin, I gotta tell ya, y'all got some pretty good food here. But that suckling pig I had when I visited Angela in Germany, that's what got me, ya know, all thinking about whether I'd want her or not. Hell, y'all ever watched Emeril? Some great pork recipes on that show. I love when he says "bam!" Get's me kinda' hungry and all . . .