CONO (SORRY, NO "TILDE" ON BLOGGER)

Far be it for me to crack wise about an old man's failing health, but when that old man is the tin-pot dictator known around the world as the cigar-smoking, power-aggrandizing, long speech-making jackass we call Fidel . . . well, you gotta do what you gotta do. A few highlights, if I may, from today's AP piece on Castro's failing health:

* Castro "releas[ed] a statement saying his health is stable, his spirits good and the defense of the island guaranteed."

Well, if he says so, it's gotta be true! As to whether Cubans should be relieved or saddened by this report, well I'll leave that to them.

* Through this "statement" (see, Bush's defenders are right; there is nothing unusual about "statements" from the President), Fidel told his fellow Cubans that "The important thing is that in the country everything is going perfectly well, and will continue to do so."

Everything is perfect, everything continues to go well. After 47 years, this one's close to becoming a reality. Memories of Underdevelopment, indeed.

(Subtle movie plug there. Check this out.)

* He also "apologized for not giving more details, but said the threat posed to his government by the U.S. means his health must be treated as 'a state secret.' No images of the leader were shown."

Now I don't live in Cuba, and our own Administration's been somewhat less-than-forthcoming with . . . well facts. That said, when a country considers the health of its 47 year ruler to be in the category of "state secret," I'm thinking regime change might be a good idea.

But I'm funny that way, so who cares what I think.

* He also declared that, "The country is prepared for its defense," assuring his citizens that their island is safe from U.S. attack.

Fidel, Fidel, Fidel. Tsk, tsk. The US doesn't need to attack. It can continue to do its part to weaken Cuba's economy (a task that needs little help) and limit the choices of its own citizens through the idiotic trade embargo! How can the man be in power 47 years and yet learned nothing?

* A member of "Parliament" told the government's news service that El Jefe's "final moment is still very far away."

Hmmmm, so much to say here. Other than the very obvious, "and he knows this how, exactly?" I'm also gonna have to question the validity of a statement (a) from a member of a purely symbolic parliamentary body, (b) to the state-controlled press, regarding (c) the cult of personality dictator of that nation.

But again, I'm funny that way.

* Members of Miami's Cuban exile community once again engaged in the "Battle for the Title of Craziest Cubans," squaring off against the Castro-led government. After hearing reports that Cuban-Americans "danced in the streets" of Miami upon hearing the news of Fidel's illness, a Cuban spokesman declared the demonstrations, "vomit-provoking acts [of] mercenaries and terrorists."

That's good. I'm gonna have to give this round to the Cubans. But I'm certain the exile community has a bag of craziness to bring to the next battle.

* After state-run television showed a "string of man-on-the-street interviews with Cubans wishing Castro well and professing confidence in the revolution's staying power," the anchorperson unsurprisingly declared that El Lider had the people's "unconditional support."

Whattaya' know.

* A US State Department spokesman told the press that "We believe that the Cuban people aspire and thirst for democracy."

Hmmmm, now where have we heard that before?