GRABBING THE BULL BY THE HORNS (OR THE DONKEY BY THE THROAT, I FORGET WHICH)

According to AP, the Democrats have laid out plans for their latest strategy to re-take Congress in this November's midterm elections. Unfortunately, this article, like most others I've read, fails to go into any of the details for the so-called, "New Direction for America." Other than the standard call for an increase in the miminum wage (because forcing small business owners to pay workers $6.00 an hour as opposed to $5.15 is sure to solve the nation's economic woes and raise those workers out of poverty as if a bungee cord was tied to their waists), the plan wraps itself in vague promises to "go[] across the country to make our case," "reject the divisive politics of the last six years," and "unite America behind an agenda that works for all."

Luckily for us, our insider at both the DNC & DLC has for us the text of the Democrats' complete 5-Point Plan. Let's take a look, shall we?

1. Be careful never to mention the following words & phrases: "Iraq," "9-11," "Quagmire," "Dead American Soldiers," "Faltering Economy," "Dishonesty," "Incompetence," "Neglect of Duty," "Katrina," "Karl Rove," "Inflation," "Debt," "Abuse of Executive Power" or "Lying Republican Sacks-of-Shit." All other words & phrases are permitted & encouraged.

2. Take extreme care not to question the President's patriotism, integrity, honesty, competence, and qualifications. Doing so could potentially call one's own Patriotism, or "Americanism" into question. This would be fatal.

3. Under no circumstances should you even consider mentioning the words, "Impeach," "Impeachment," or "Impeachment & Conviction." All other forms of tough attacks on the Adminstration are encouraged.

4. Do not talk about the economy at all. Do not discuss inflation, oil prices, unemployment or fiscal & monetary policy.

5. Raise as much money as possible; any left over funds can go towards the 2008 campaign.

Sounds like a can't lose strategy. For the Republicans.