THESE COLORS DON'T RUN. THEY, UH, THEY HIDE, THA'S ALL
In a shocking announcement that no one could have expected, President Bush told reporters at the National Counterterrorism Center just outside Washington that, "America is safer than it has been, yet it is not yet safe.""The terrorists want you & I ta' think that we're just gonna curl up in a ball and act all scared," he continued, looking conspicuously over his shoulder from time-to-time. "And they're right."
Following the amazed gasps of onlookers, Bush boldly presented his "Plan to Secure America, The Election, and My Legacy":
And that's all there is to report, as the press was shuffled away as soon as the President left the lecturn.My plan to secure Amer'ca calls for the followin actions between now an' election day, an important event in our nat'nal calendar, and one we can't risk losin to the Evil-Doers. First, no flights in or out of the, ya know, the country will permit carry-on bags, stow-away bags, or passengers.
Second, all personal journeys of 100 miles or more must be done by automobile, by car. It's the Amer'can way, anyway. We recommend high-octane fuel to ensure performance. Additionally, all train service, 'cept commuter lines, will be suspended until November 8.
Third, credit limits on all personal credit cards are raised 200%. We can't let the enemies, the enemies of our society, prevent us from enjoyin our way of life.
Fourth, no press coverage of anything done by me, Vice President Cheney, Secretary Rice, or . . . uh, Mr. Rove. The Department of Homeland Security has told me . . . uh, it determined that, ya know, members of he press are 12 times more likely to be shot if they're within 35 yards of a member of the White House staff. So for their protection, they can't cover us until November 8. At least. Can't write about us either.
And finally, number five, in order to protect the dignity of those who've fallen in the War Against Terror, I'm repealing the Death Tax, effective immediately. This disrespectful attack on the property of the dead has gone on for far too long. God Bless the Dead, God Bless the Livin, God Bless Our Lord Jesus Christ, and God Bless America.
posted by Mike at 2:18 PM
5 Comments:
Our daily dose of fearmongering from our doublespeaking president.
Vote for my Republican buddies, or Democrats like Lieberman this Fall, or else!
Chimpy has a one track mind. It is a shame for everyone that he devoted eight years to one purpose and failed miserable at it.
What purpose was that? Lining the pockets of his friends, or hastening the arrival of the Rapture?
Seems to me he's succeeded at one, and is doing his damndest on the second.
Trying to get rich right before the rapture doesn't make any sense. Bush doesn't believe that religious crap any more than you do, he just feeds it to the stupid sheeple who constitute his base. As far as getting rich, those a-holes are going to have a hard time spending all those ill-gotten gains from atop an ash-heap. Let's face it, chimpy is a failure. He has never done anything right in his whole life.
Actually, you may be right, if his purpose is to induce as much pain and suffering as possible in the world and to bring about the downfall of the U.S. economy through his own incompetence and heavy-handedness he is succeeding wonderfully.
Post a Comment
<< Home