Wednesday, March 07, 2007


In the latest chapter of the thrilling saga known as "Stupid Governmental Officials Fight Human Urges" we learn that the US Surgeon General has declared that: Teen Drinking is a Problem!

As a teenager might say, no shit, Sherlock.

Anyhow, the best line comes a bit further on in the piece:
[The Surgeon General] described alcohol as the drug of choice for teens . . . . "Alcohol remains the most heavily abused substance by America's youth"
Well, might he consider the fact that alcohol is the only legal drug in America? Could that have something to do with it? Amazingly, just as Republican "doctors" believe they can convince teenagers to abstain from sex, they also seem to think they can get them to abstain from getting wasted. This is what we spend our federal dollars on.



Blogger somewaterytart said...

Alcohol is my favorite drug because I know I can't get arrested for enjoying it in my home. Plus, they sell it in bars. And, it's tasty and refreshing.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I know I can't get arrested for enjoying it in my home.

Though a part of you must have wished some of your party guests were arrested before book shelves got tipped and beer bottles exploded in the freezer. ;-)

(And far as I could tell, there wasn't a teenager in sight.)

Plus, they sell it in bars

One word for you: Coffeeshop.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...This is what we spend our federal dollars on.

Don't worry about it, a hundred dollar bill only costs about ten cents, and ten cents only costs three. It's what we do, it's the new economy. We have money enough for everything. Party time!

10:20 AM  
Blogger Comandante AgĂ­ said...

I can't wait to see the footage of ATF agents busting down the doors of high school parties.

Drugs, teen sex, pornography, cell phones...they're all targets in this new war.

Bring on the war on everythingTM!

12:31 PM  
Blogger George said...

You need to get better sponsors. I'm holding out for Stone Brewing myself.

But that hints at the real problem with our youth--we don't teach them to make drinking all about aesthetics (oh, and you can get buzzed, too--great side effect). One of the best things about growing up is realizing you can get into fine wines, sophisticated cocktails, and tasty microbrews, and therefore feel the storage of arcane potent potable knowledge makes up for the brain cells you kill.

It works for me, at least.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Mort - It is party time. That's why we're serving beer. Leading me to . .

George - I'm with you. I won't touch Bud Light if I can help it. I was trying to make some comment about TV sponsorship, but I guess with everyone doing the head-bobs at this point . . .

But I agree with you on the taste-buzz spectrum. Which is also a hidden trick: the tasty brews I enjoy all have extremely high ANVs, so the buzz come more quickly, even as the tastes are good.

Agi -

FOX will have a show that follows the ATF agents as they bust the high school parties. Just the underage sex & sensationalism angle they need.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Mike said...


Arg! Must proofread, must proofread, must . . .

That would be ABV, of course. Who the hell decided to put the "N" key next to the "B"? That Qwerty guy? Bastard.

2:21 PM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

When exactly did the Republican Party become the minister's wife from the Simpsons? All they ever do these days is cluthc their pearls and scream "Won't someone think of the children?!?!?!"

Unless, of course, we're talking about the massive national debt, the looming environmental disaster, and the creation of a U.S. vs. Everyone Else foreign policy. In those instances, their motto is "Fuck the children."

2:38 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

I hear you. I've never been a fan of the GOP, but they really did seem to have a bit of a monopoly on the rugged toughness angle for a while.

But now? They fucking whine, whine WHINE about everything that doesn't go their way, and get the vapors while crying about the children the rest of the time.

Of course, they're as hard-assed as ever, but they pander to a different set. It's all lip-service either way.

3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...but they pander to a different set.

Nothing wrong with pandering.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Nothing wrong with pandering.

Soon as I saw that hypertext link I thought, "No, Mort's not going there. he can't go there."

He went there. And, as with any pun, you receive the following: Grrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Smitty said...

I have built most of my adult life centered around perfecting this "legal drug."

george: I'm holding out for Stone Brewing myself.

Now here's someone on your blog who knows what they're talking about.

10:31 PM  
Blogger DWPittelli said...

From what I witnessed and heard of in boarding school 25 years ago, heavy use of alcohol is far more likely to lead to serious problems (dependence, schoolwork, expulsion) than is that of marijuana. Nevertheless, the former is usually punished less severely.

Further, and ironically, an increasingly severe crackdown on "partying" leads students to switch from beer, to liquor, to marijuana, to other drugs (notably cocaine, amphetamine, hallucinogens), to reduce drug volume, and reduce the smell and other obvious signs of intoxication.

11:28 PM  
Blogger DWPittelli said...

Obviously, Republicans are more apt to favor "abstinence only" propaganda within the "sex education" sphere. But I am not convinced that, when it comes to alcohol and other intoxicants, the Democrats are significantly different.

Bush SG Moritsugu: "Alcohol remains the most heavily abused substance by America's youth... [the report calls for a]change in the culture and attitudes toward drinking in America. We can no longer ignore what alcohol is doing to our children." He said there is new research that indicates alcohol may harm the development of the brain in adolescents [and that there is too much tolerance of underage drinking by adults. "Too many Americans consider underage drinking a rite of passage to adulthood... Research shows that young people who start drinking before the age of 15 are five times more likely to have alcohol-related problems later in life."

Clinton SG David Satcher: "The abuse of alcohol is one of our major health problems. In fact, 100,000 people in this country die every year from alcohol. And it has been an increasing problem among teenagers and on our college campuses, binge drinking. Binge drinking interferes with obviously the academics on college campus, but also increases violence and motor vehicle deaths. So we believe that we should have a frontal attack on alcohol abuse. A child that begins to drink before the age of 15 is four times as likely to become an alcoholic as someone who begins to drink after 21 years of age. So parents have a very important responsibility here."

(Further, it was Janet Reno who first cracked down on California medical marijuana.)

11:44 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Wow, they said the same bullshit, almost word-for-word. Jeez.

Except drinking before 15 has supposedly gotten even worse: from 4 times to 5 times more likely to become a lush.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I have built most of my adult life centered around perfecting this "legal drug."

Now that's dedication. And the very sort we hold in such high esteem 'round these parts.

6:32 AM  
Blogger Weaseldog said...

At least now that I stick to beer and scotch, I no longer lose my car keys.

Is that a good thing?

1:33 PM  
Blogger DED said...

For the sake of brevity, I'll second what George wrote.

Why is it that the French, who teach their kids to respect and appreciate alcohol don't have the abuse problems that we do? Hmmmmm, could they be on to something?

1:56 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Do the French actually have lower rates of addiction?

Not doubting it; just don;t know. I know they tend to be thin & live long despite eating cheese & meat.

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Toast said...

This is the study that says that teenage brains, because they are still not completely mature, are more prone to "learn" that binge drinking is an acceptable behavior pattern. Word to that. My brain later went on to get a PhD in binge drinking.

6:55 AM  

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