Thursday, June 15, 2006

RAISE YOUR HANDS IF YOU'RE SURE . . . THIS IS THE MOST IDIOTIC RESEARCH EVER CONDUCTED

From the "I'm Not Quite Sure What To Do With This Information" Files, we learn from a Proctor & Gamble-sponsored study, that Phoenix is "the sweatiest city in the United States, but Miami topped the list as the most uncomfortable American city due to its mix of humidity and heat."

So . . . that means I should buy extra deodorant when I head to Arizona? Avoid Europeans? Thank god that Patrick Ewing never played for the Suns?

Should I bring an extra seat cushion when I visit South Beach? Order comfort food at Little Havana restaurants? Does a Cuban Sandwich count?

By the way, if you've never had a Cuban Sandwich, run out and get one now. So good -- ham and roasted pork, cheese, pickles, on pressed and toasted bread, mmmmm -- I may have to take a break now and just think about one. Anyhow . . .

Makes me wonder what other studies we can conduct involving secretions and other nasty bodily functions: "The pissiest beer in America"? "The shittiest food in the land"? "The Teariest Movie"? "The Saliva-est Cuban Sandwich in the Western Hemisphere"?

Saliva-est? Pretend I didn't write that.

6 Comments:

Blogger Mr Furious said...

Thank god that Patrick Ewing never played for the Suns?

Now that's comedy! Suns games would have rapidly resembled water polo if he did...

4:26 PM  
Blogger ajsmith said...

Or perhaps be happy that Ray Burris never pitched for the Diamondbacks.

Seiously, when he pitched for the Mets, the sweat used to pour off of his face like it was coming out of a soda fountain.

A little hint to the guys... if you ever find yourself in desperate need to delay, umm, the, ummm, er, moment, you can't do better than flashing to a mental image of Ray Burris staring in for the sign during an August day game.

Also, I have to go to Phoenix next week for two days - and will be wearing suits the whole time. So, thanks for the info, i guess.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

And I thought it was a stupid study.

To the contrary, it's guiding lives all over the nation.

7:26 PM  
Anonymous senor a said...

43,000 houses for sale in Phoenix and the end of spring selling season days away. I bet the speculators are sweatin' bullets right about now. Maybe that explains it.

http://tinyurl.com/qqdez

11:53 PM  
Anonymous senor a said...

My bad,

49,377

As of 6/15/06.

Please pass the anti-perspirant.

11:55 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Senor-

That may explain things. And thanks for the link.

5:47 AM  

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