Tuesday, September 05, 2006


In advance of a speech Bush will give later today, the White House has used our tax dollars to publish its new "National Strategy For Combating Terrorism." Any resemblence to shameless electioneering as the midterm elections approach is completely coincidental.

A few highlights, if I may, separated by category:

Category 1 -- You are in Grave Danger. Extraordinarily Grave Danger. Only the Administration & its Partners in Congress can save your endangered ass:
"The war on terror will be a long war."

"America is safer but we are not yet safe."

"There will continue to be challenges ahead, but along with our partners, we will attack terrorism and its ideology and bring hope and freedom to the people of the world."

"This is how we will win the war on terror."

"While we have substantially improved our air, land, sea and border security, our Homeland is not immune from attack."

"While the United States government and its partners have thwarted many attacks, we have not been able to prevent them all. Terrorists have struck in many places throughout the world, from Bali to Beslan to Baghdad."
That last one's rather melodic, actually. Has a showtune ring to it: TER-rorists have struck/in maaaaany places/through-OUT the world/from Bali to Beslan to Badgad/yeah!

Category 2 -- Al Qaida is the Enemy . . . sort of. The True Enemy is whoever we say it is:
"The United States and our partners continue to pursue a significantly degraded but still dangerous al-Qaida network."

"Terrorist networks today are more dispersed and less centralized. They are more reliant on smaller cells inspired by a common ideology and less directed by a central command structure."

"We have deprived al-Qaida of safe haven in Afghanistan and helped a democratic government rise in its place."

"Yet the enemy we face today in the war on terror is not the same enemy we faced on Sept. 11. Our effective counterterrorist efforts in part have forced the terrorists to evolve and modify their ways of doing business."
"Ways of doing business." Yeah, I saw that too. Nope, not sure what it means exactly. But coming from our business-friendly Administration, it sure does sound funny.

Category 3 -- We have no fucking idea what's going on in Iraq. It's a total mess. But trust us, because as we said in Category 1, "Only the Administration & its Partners in Congress can save your endangered ass":
"A multinational coalition joined by the Iraqis is aggressively prosecuting the war against the terrorists in Iraq."

"The ongoing fight for freedom in Iraq has been twisted by terrorist propaganda as a rallying cry."

"[Terrorism] is not simply a result of hostility to U.S. policy in Iraq."

"The United States was attacked on September 11 and many years earlier, well before we toppled the Saddam Hussein regime. Moreover, countries that did not participate in coalition efforts in Iraq have not been spared from terror attacks."
I think we could alternately name Category 3, "Really Outlandish Propaganda Statements."

* * *

The Democrats responded to the Adminstration's salvo by declaring that, "Years of failed Republican policies have made America less safe and less able to effectively fight terrorism, and Democrats are ready to take this country in a new direction."

We're ready, fellas. We Are Ready. Any . . . uhhhh, specifics? Any precise critiques of GOP policies? C'mon, clock's ticking.

Finally, according to AP, Tony Snow addressed questions regarding calls to replace Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld by announcing "It's not going to happen. Creating Don Rumsfeld as a bogeyman may make for good politics but would make for very lousy strategy at this time."

"'Bogeymen,' 'Good Politics,' & 'Lousy Strategy.'" Sounds like a six word summation of the last 5 years.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So basically you take a few non-controversial quotes and don't actually point out what's wrong with them. And your category 1 2 and 3 statement don't actually jive with the quotes you picked. A lot of pretty weak straw.

1:52 PM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

and always remember to compare this to the cold war NOT viet nam! can't forget that one.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...


always remember to compare this to the cold war NOT viet nam!


You see! I told you I was gonna screw it all up today. Talk about dropping an easy pop fly.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...

Wherever you find crime, there you will find the Bush family. Any economic crime over $100 million in this country will always be perpetrated by a friend of Bushco. I could go down the list from Enron, to Fannie Mae to Household Finance Corporation to Halliburton, but what would be the point? It occurs to me now that the dad and brothers are gangsters too. The whole world hates us now, he's seen to that. Dubya and Cheney should both be wearing stripes and bustin' rocks right now but it'll never happen. Viva America, let the revolution begin!

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Viva America, let the revolution begin!

Is that the opening line of the Mort Manifesto?

A Specter is haunting the World . . . the Specter of Mort.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...

People in this country are too complacent to do anything, they like it like it is, why should I try to change that? I fart in their general direction. Funny, I just learned the other day that Mort means dead in French. Omen?

3:25 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

An omen of what? That we're gonna die, or that we're gonna end up speaking French?

3:34 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...

An omen that I should listen to Bush and be vewy afwaid. ;-)

3:45 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...

Hey, have you tried chicken soup for your illness? I'm sure the government would heartily appove.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Alan P. said...


3:48 PM  
Anonymous nyhmr said...

Bring back the draft and see how quickly the GWOT ends.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I keep hearing that. But unless any new "draft" includes absolutely no deferments, I don't see how it'd affact anything.

It's not like the electorate has somehow kept its self-interest in play during the past few elections.

6:15 PM  
Anonymous nyhmr said...

Might not have any effect, but it might put a shiver down the spine of some of these tough guys who want to bomb everyone back to the Stone Age.

Big difference if their ass or their children's asses are on the line. Then maybe those insipid yellow ribbons might actually mean something.

They should change the message to "Support y the troops, join the military."

7:28 PM  

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