Thursday, January 04, 2007

WE GOT THE BRIMSTONE, ANYONE BRING FIRE?

Mere days after Pat Robertson unsheathed his predictions for 2007 -- straight from the very lips of the Heavenly Father -- The Lord revealed the true nature of his intended destruction of mankind yesterday.

And it was a complete failure.

Instead of untold deaths via an untold weapon on an untold date in September, AP reports that a golf ball-sized, metallic object crashed through the roof of a Freehold, NJ home, embedding itself in a wall. No injuries occurred, nor was Freehold's favorite son, Bruce Springsteen, involved.

Robertson -- and the vengeful, blood-thirsty deity to whom he alone has access -- denied again. Nonetheless, Federal authorities are warning Americans to be on the lookout for free-roaming tsunamis, earthquakes, bomb-carrying Muslims, and Feminists. I would add that everyone should be on high alert for televangelists looking to secure their reputations as seers.

15 Comments:

Anonymous John Royal said...

Well, I guess it's a good thing that Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce is just a tramp born to run, otherwise, he might have got taken out, I guess it's a good thing that he was in that pink cadillac of his, or he'd be on fire. But, I guess that this means that he doesn't have to fear retribution for dancing in the dark with Rosilita in that tunnel of love.

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

You're a very disturbed man, John.

You prove it every night. Or morning as the case may be.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

I guess that you've pierced my brilliant disguise. But, I was born in the U.S.A., so that makes up for it, though, I'm not from Philadelphia, and I'm definitely not a part of Murder, Inc., though with today's weather in H-Town, I guess you can say that I emerged from the darkness on the edge of town.

I'll stop now.

But here's a question, do you get the feeling that Jon Bon Jovi's asking why he's not the one wanted dead or alive?

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I try to avoid any "feelings" that relate to Mr. Bangiovi.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Weaseldog said...

See, there was a disaster. It could turn our to be a piece of molten metal from a satellite that had a nuclear power source.

So, he's not really wrong.

I bet it killed millions of bacteria when it struck the house.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

God - What are you doing now?

King Arthur - Averting our eyes Oh Lord!

God - Well, don't, its just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing, so knock it off!

King Authur - Yes Lord.


Should I be concerned that I was able to instantly remember that once I saw the picture?

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Ed - I'd be far more concerned if one of the regulars here didn't know instantly where the picture came from.

12:11 PM  
Blogger DED said...

It's all good Ed.

I bet it killed millions of bacteria when it struck the house.

And then Pat will proclaim that bacteria are God's children too. ;)

12:31 PM  
Blogger George said...

Yes, the lord will call unto him, the wild, the innocent, and the e coli shuffle.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

George, that was brilliant. There's nothing more than I can say but that it's just a flesh wound, and that I'm not dead yet.

12:45 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

the wild, the innocent, and the e coli shuffle.

Grrrrrrrrooooooaaaaaaannnnnnnn.

(That's the reaction you want from a good, err, I mean bad pun, right? Or something like that.)

After getting that infection, the residents of the house will be Throwin' Up, and Born To (Have The) Runs.

It's back to you, John.

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

It's back to you, John.

I knew you'd appreciate George's puntastic effort. But you beat me to it . . . AND you've got nothing to add.

Color me shocked.

12:50 PM  
Blogger George said...

Ah, my work here is done for the day. (And fittingly the last 2 letters of my word verification are BM.)

1:01 PM  
Blogger Weaseldog said...

Everyone stop groveling! God hates it when you grovel!

No! Stop averting your eyes!

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Where else but with the Python boys do you American men quoting Brits?

(Except Beatles, Stones, Zepellin, Floyd, & Who lyrics. Hmmm, bad question. Never mind.)

3:28 PM  

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