Wednesday, April 11, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: JOHN McCAIN IS A MAVERICK DICK!

So you can see there, sir--
Shut up, camouflage-boy, I'm mavericampaignin'.

One day after Mitt Romney's call to increase military spending, failing Republican presidential candidate & world-famous Maverick, John McCain, threw his own shrill voice into the overheated atmosphere, declaring his support for the Eternal War in Iraq. Explaining to the crowd at the ├╝ber-Republican stronghold known as the Virginia Military Institute that the War must never end, the Maverick Politician maverickly explained his maverick position:
It is the right road. It is necessary and just. Democrats, who deny our soldiers the means to prevent an American defeat, have chosen another road. It may appear to be the easier course of action but it is a much more reckless one . . . . Our defeat in Iraq would constitute a defeat in the war against terror and extremism, and would make the world a much more dangerous place.
From there, MaveriCain had nowhere to go but straight to the standard invocation of his own military service:
I know the pain war causes. I understand the frustration caused by our mistakes in this war. I also know the toll a lost war takes on an army and a country.
So let me see if I get this straight: Because John "The Maverick" McCain suffered in the Vietnam War, partly because of the failed policies of the government, he can now support the government's failed policies in the latest war. Do I have that right?

At that point, only one destination remained for his speeech: the heart of dishonesty that lies deep inside all politicians, even mavericks:
I would rather lose a campaign than a war.
Guess what, John? Your wish is a good as your command!

Coming tomorrow: Rudy outflanks the Maverick & the Mitt, as he declares his support for the War, defense spending, boot camps for girls who've had abortions, concentration camps for Gays who marry, the repeal of the 1st, 4th, 5th, and 8th Amendments, as well as his intention to make his wayword son start speaking to him again: it's all about the Family!

Labels: , ,

13 Comments:

Blogger Mort said...

McCain is the next level of fascism after Bush. He will crush the war protesters, bloggers, pot smokers, liberals, and anyone else who gets in his way. They will grease the tracks of his war machine, and the corporate fascist police state.

That is all.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

So what's the bad news?

11:53 AM  
Blogger DED said...

I used to really like McCain. I was rooting for him back in 2000. His appearences on The Daily Show were classic. And he was fine up to 2004. I shrugged off his public support for W in his re-election to party loyalty. "You support us now Johnny and we'll have your back in '08." Then he started making the rounds of the cultural conservatives, notably the religious right. I panned that too, as just smoothing over old differences, showing them that he wasn't going to exorcise them from the party. I imagined him winking to the rest of us that it wasn't real, that he was just playing them. But last year, I realized that it was me who was being fooled. His support for the endless occupation of Iraq and apparent delusion that things were swell was the real deal. In his efforts to play the Republican version of the political game he's lost himself to a blindly idiotic policy. And he's lost me, too.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Well-said, Ded. That declension basically explains my feelings about him over the past half decade or so.

Mr. Furious (he's on my blogroll) linked to a decent article re McCain & the way he hoodwinked the press about his outsider/Maverick image.

As Malcolm X might've said, we've been bamboozled.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Mort said...

McCain probably wets the bed. All the greatest tyrants wet the bed, I'm sure he does too.

12:35 PM  
Blogger DCup said...

Rudy's staff called. He wants his playbook back.

Or else, you'll get the Kerick.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Rudy's staff called. He wants his playbook back.

Tell them I want my city back. He'll get his book when I get NYC.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Dwilkers said...

You know the funny thing is McCain, though despised by cons, is the most thoroughly genuine con in the race this year. If you think about almost any basket of issues he's been the most consistently conservative of the top 3 GOP candidates easily. So while I think he and the cons loath each other, they both desperately need each other.

2:25 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

most thoroughly genuine con

In 2007 America, I'm not really sure what that means anymore. (No sarcasm.)

2:37 PM  
Blogger Mort said...

Two words of advice for McCain: "plastic sheets".

2:48 PM  
Blogger Dwilkers said...

I'm not really sure what that means anymore.

Not much in McCain's case.

I think at this point you have to look at traditional definitions for that, meaning more Reagan type Paleo-cons.

Which would mean something like anti-regulatory, anti-big gov, anti-tax, pro-federalist, pro-national defense. You know, conservative.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Mort said...

McCain says tar baby.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Yeah, I have a vague recollection of that story.

7:18 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home