Thursday, April 05, 2007


Scientists have determined that the earth's magnetic field is actually 3.2 billion years-old, not the 2.5 billion years originally thought.

Whatever, I don't really care whether it's old, very old, really old, or as old as John Paul Stevens. I just want to make fun of idiot fundamentalists. So here I go.

Idiot Fundies will counter this new evidence by arguing:

a. That God put the earth's magnetic field here to test our faith.
b. That Satan put it here to trick us; we don't really need a magnetic field, meteors are just hype.
c. That only blasphemers, America-haters, and "those damned Jews" believe in science over faith; therefore, it doesn't matter how old the magnetic field is, nor that it exists at all.
d. That The Rapture is coming in 3 days, and no magnetic field is strong enough to prevent Jesus from returning.
e. That magnetism is but one part of a multifacited Al-Qaeda plot designed to weaken America, along with gay marriage, abortion, diplomacy, logic, literacy, western-based education, supra-reptilian intelligence, and Constitutionalism.

I'm going with (c), with (a) and (e) close behind. Any other thoughts?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your confusion is understandable, I will explain:

In the beginning God created heaven and earth...

Now, in between the words "beginning" and "God" is a space of approximately 3.1 billion years. I hope this clears up any doubts you may have.

Signed, Pope Mort, the Uber Pious

9:37 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I knew there was a simple explanation.

Thank you, My Holy Father.

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bless you, my son.

10:42 AM  
Blogger DED said...

I'll go with b, closely followed by a and c and then resist the urge to go off on fundies.

12:28 PM  
Anonymous wfta aka "the choir" said...

Amen, Brother Mort.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=
Your jaw will drop!

3:23 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Ded -

Goin' with Satan, I see. Hmmm.


It's "father," not "brother," when you're addressing Il Papa, no?

Secret Rapture -

Not sure what to say, exactly. I may check out what you wrote when I have a little more time. I'll say I like a lot of the movies in your bibliography though.

I bet we might find ourselves a FSMOMYOTD or two in that list.

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mike: I have found most people have a hard time getting through my stuff.
The films I listed (apocalyptic, etc.) have an important part in getting everyone ready for the upcoming Secret Rapture.
Fill me in on the acronym you use:

1:20 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Friday Silly Movie Of My Youth Of The Day.

See the post at the top today . . . and every Friday since August (give or take a few).

1:24 PM  
Anonymous wfta said...

Definitely brother here in the land of unreconstructed Baptists and Methodists.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Definitely brother here in the land of unreconstructed Baptists and Methodists.

I figured. Not big fans of the Papists down Lone Star way, huh?

6:41 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Ded -

Goin' with Satan, I see. Hmmm.

I'm friends with his son, Damian.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

I'm friends with his son, Damian.

He lives in Connecticut, right?

2:32 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Yep. He wrote a song about his Dad and we played it in our band. It took alot of guts to be man, or demon, enough to write it. It was called, "I Love Satan." Brings a tear to my eye. It's right up there with "Cats In The Cradle."

3:32 PM  

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