Wednesday, April 04, 2007

RATS ON THE WESTSIDE, BED BUGS UP YOUR NOSE?

Exhibit A why it's probably not a good idea to snort your dead father's ashes (H/T to Everyone on Teh Intertubes):

While I wish I was a clever-enough sick fuck to have made this one up, alas that's not the case. Because Keith Richards is the place where fiction goes to die. This one's true: Keif snorted dear ole' Dad and found it gave him true drug satisfaction.

There must be a joke in here about making a dead man cum, but I'm not gonna be the one to do it.

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21 Comments:

Anonymous Applesaucer said...

That's heinous.

Applesaucer

10:27 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

That's heinous.

Keith's habits? Or my tasteless jokes?

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Applesaucer said...

Keith's habits.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Yeah. Takes a lot for keith to shock us at this point.

I guess rock n' rollers never die after all. Though he began fading away about 3 minutes after he was born I suspect. Maybe his mom spiked the nipple.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Thrillhous said...

He's definitely some kind of miracle of science, although I don't know if "miracle" is the right word. Snorting coke in his 60s, that's hard core.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Snorting coke in his 60s, that's hard core

You'd think so, especially when you consider that his heart probably ain't the world's strongest organ at this point.

But when you add Daddy's ashes, then sounds "Len Bias Volitile" to me.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Marked Hoosier said...

I can only imagine how high he had to be to do that...

I mean whatever he was on at whatever dosage probably would have killed a healthy elephant, heck he probably gave people contact highs if they came within 100 ft.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Now he's claiming it was an April Fools joke.

I hope not.

12:29 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Keith Richards has been undead since the 70's in a speedball OD. The rest of the band couldn't let him go so they paid a Jamaican Voodoo Priestess to re-animate him. While it worked, the walking corpse continued on as though nothing happened, seeking news highs (and lows). Fortunately for him the chemical cocktail that he's consumed over the years has had an embalming effect, thus drastically reducing the putrefaction rate. Decades later, the effects are finally detectable. Heavy makeup and cologne are required for all public appearances. The band has wanted to quit after the Steel Wheels Tour, but the corpse threatened to tell everyone their secret, so they continued. It's gone on so long now, that Mick and the "boys" are wondering if the truth can really set them free. Mick has secret instructions in his will to be cremated within an hour of his death and his ashes scattered to the four corners of the Earth just to avoid the same fate.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

You know, Ded, that doesn't sound all that unlikely.

Except the part about "paying" the Jamaican voodoo priestess. I think she'd do it for free, just to spend a little time with Mick.

1:42 PM  
Blogger DED said...

that doesn't sound all that unlikely

I guess the after effects of the nitrous (dentist visit today) aren't making me as delusional as I thought. Maybe it was a third eye kinda thing.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

They still use nitrous at the dentist?

Damn, my guy's been dogging me. Haven't seen a tank in his office since I started going to him in '99.

2:03 PM  
Blogger DED said...

They still use nitrous at the dentist?

Hell yeah! I wasn't aware that any dentists stopped using it.

2:28 PM  
Blogger Rickey Henderson said...

please please please let the rumor still be true...

2:35 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

They still use nitrous at the dentist?

Hell yeah! I wasn't aware that any dentists stopped using it.

please please please let the rumor still be true...


Now Ded's is the rumor I still want to be true. Keith snorting Dad is good for him; nitrous in my head while the dentist is poking around in my mouth would be good for me!

3:12 PM  
Blogger Mort said...

I was going to make a comment about Keith looking like a corpse. Ded beat me to it. The unded undid (stole) my thunder, bwahaha!! That's what I get for coming over here at this late hour I guess.

3:54 PM  
Blogger Ed in Westchester said...

It's the new version of hGh

4:14 PM  
Blogger Mort said...

If he's still using at his age I don't think he'll get much older.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

It's the new version of hGh

Yes. Going straight to the genetic source, if you will (and Keith will.)

If he's still using at his age I don't think he'll get much older.

Yet Mr. Richards has been defying the odds for a long time now. I wouldn't bet against him hitting the century mark at this point.

Anyhow, as Ded says, he's already dead.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I got here through Politits, and I have to say this little snippet is one of the odder things I've read lately. He's a really bizarre character.

And, related to a prior post, good luck with your new job!

11:06 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Thanks, Lisa.

7:28 AM  

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