Thursday, July 24, 2008


Tag I'm it, huh? This may be the first time I read someone's meme, followed the link to see who tagged him, and then discovered I'd been tagged by the original memer who tagged him.

Or something like that.

Anyhoo, Tracy, proprieter of Bowl of Life, and charming & lovely wife of the decidedly unlovely (but crankily charming) Toast, has tagged me to tell the world . . . uhhh, let's um sorta say, well . . . which five famous woman I'd like to, uh you know . . .

. . . bone like a mad dog and get away with it scot-free based on some sort of unrealistic contract with my wife.

(As opposed to the very realistic opportunity to lay my wily skills upon five of the world's hottest, sexiest, and desirable women. I tell, it ain't easy being me.)

Whatever, let's get to it. My Five babes o' pleasure:

1. Audrey Tautou. Just so friggin' pretty it hurts my eyes to stare too long. Although if pushed to define myself, I'm definitely more of a leg than a breast man (and a nice butt ain't exactly poison to my tastes either), nevertheless I'm just a sucker for the exquisite face. As the remainder of this list will show.

2. Shakira. Of course as I just noted, I have no problem with a nice ass either. Nor with shaking of said ass.

(And her face ain't too shabby.)

3. 1954 Version of Grace Kelly (i.e. Grace Kelly in Rear Window)

Now before any of you give me any shit for picking someone from a particular time window 54 years ago (not to mention with someone who'd been dead for over 20 years), let's examine the premise at work here: a schlub like me not only gets to take a tumble with Audrey Tautou & Shakira . . . but his wife knows about it and thinks it's just cool.

(Don't worry, honey. You just go and sleep with those stunningly beautiful women (and three more of your choosing!) and it's no problem with me.)

So, please. If I wanna pick Miss Assyria from 728 B.C., then that's who I'm picking, all right?

Grace, circa 1954 baby. Whooooo! Like I said, I like a pretty face and they didn't get any purtier than that.

4. Bibi Andersson (circa mid-50's)

What the hell? Since I'm doing this journey into the past thing.

5. Oh, I don't know and I don't even care. After those four I'm gonna be pretty worn out, and frankly I'm getting bored with this whole exercise.

But if I have to pick? Natalie Portman's always in style. Parker Posey suits my "pretty good looking but quirky chick" needs. Michelle Wie fills a bunch of fetishes since she's Asian, 6 feet tall (5'7" of which is leg), and can drive a golf ball farther than I could with 5 swings (or would "strokes" be more appropriate?). Any of 'em will do.

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Anonymous VMH said...

Combining the 'To Catch a Predator' theme of Michell Wie (though I think she is now legal) and 50's theme of Grace Kelly (good choice) I can add as honorable mentions:

Natalie Wood in West Side Story


Elizabeth Taylor from about 15-25 years old.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Wie is definitely legal. I know because . . . well, let's just say I was waiting til she was.

Never into Liz Taylor, but Natalie Wood? Now you're talking.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous wfta said...

Since you are a face-man, I recommend Hedy Lamarr for #5.

With attribution to R. Dangerfield, I guess I'm an ass-man. People are always saying, "You're an ass, man."

9:53 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I don't know, guys, you missed Lana Turner, Ava Gardner (a simmering smokin' chick if'n I ever saw one, and I'm a girrrl, fcol!) and one very beautiful Esther Williams.

Can you tell I'm a TCM fan? LOL

11:56 AM  
Blogger George said...

Grace Kelly's first appearance in Rear Window, the close-up, the kiss of Stewart, and the then turning on the lights of the apartment while saying her name Lisa Carol Freemont--one of the best entrances (and you can pronounce that two ways) in film.

Hitch was good at that, though--how about Ingrid Bergman in Notorious?

I also have a soft spot for those witty women in '30s screwballs, like Carole Lombard, Katherine Hepburn, Jean Arthur, and Claudette Colbert. Moving into the '40s, let's not forget Gene Tierney in Laura or Rita Hayworth in Gilda, either.

And while Ms. Tatou is mighty fine, if I were going to frag French style I'd go with Julie Delpy first and Emmanuelle Beart second.

Interesting you didn't hit on (pun intended) any TV stars or musicians. I mean, Neko Case has to be high on any of these lists, doesn't she? Or if someone made you do a women of Buffy edition you could go six deep (Hannigan, Caulfield, Trachtenberg, Carpenter, Benson, Dushku) and not even touch SMG. Now that's talent.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Smitty said...

Speaking of musicians, I would still list Jewell, snaggle-teeth and all.

Sophia Lauren?

2:43 PM  
Anonymous wfta said...

You’re right. Ava Gardner was hot. Deboucherously so in “Night of the Iguana.” And who played Della Street on the old “Perry Mason Show”? She knew how to wear a skirt.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Tracy said...

Awesome pick with Grace Kelly. I personally think she was the most beautiful woman who ever lived.

8:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's quite a beautiful list. I'm partial to Grace Kelly. I'm named after her character in Rear Window. Only my last name is different.

10:36 PM  
Blogger Mr Furious said...

I suppose I'm a face man as well...

With you on Tautou. And if we're going old-school, I'm down with Tippy Hedron.

Portman is always a contender, and guess what? I know Parker Posey! Not sure she'd say the same, but we went to college together, and I did all the posters and programs for her acting class...Very pretty, and pretty cool.

10:56 PM  
Blogger Angelos said...

Mine's up, you bastard.

12:04 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Now I'm a bastard?

Some nice selections in the dead-but-beautiful department. Ava Gardener, Hedy Lamarr.

WFTA - Barbara Hale played Della Street (thank you, IMDB.) Still alive too.

Emmanuel Beart is a beauty.

I saw Parker Posey in a park in NYC about 4 years ago. I was transfixed, but I played it like a true New Yorker and left her alone.

Not that I wasn't tempted to speak to her.

8:03 AM  
Blogger George said...

If you've never seen La Belle Noiseuse, be sure to see it. Wonderful meditation on what it means to be an artist. And Beart is the artist's nude model.

Did I mention the film is four hours long?

12:27 PM  
Blogger Angelos said...

So what do you do for the other 3 hours and 58 minutes?

12:59 PM  
Blogger George said...

Sometimes the film is shown in two parts.

3:42 PM  

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