HECKUVA JOB, WEATHERMAN
Well, let's see what we've got here. Seems that Conrad Lautenbacher, head of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, is predicting that the "2007 Atlantic hurricane season will be more active than normal."
Not to make light about hurricanes or anything, but what the hell does he know? These clowns can't even predict whether or not it'll rain on Saturday, and now they're making forecasts of the number of hurricanes we'll see over an entire summer! For instance, he says that this season could see "as many as ten hurricanes, and three to five of them could be major."
Not eleven? Maybe four to six of them major?
And lest it seem I'm picking on these guys merely for their ugly combination of ass-covering and propensity to get a meteorological hard-on when they think of all the horrible Cat-5's that are coming, let me say that ain't it.
No, I'm crackin' wise because year-after-year they make these idiotic shot-in-the-dark predictions, which the media pick up on it as if God himself inscribed radar maps on Willard Scott's teleprompter, despite the fact that these forecasts are always wrong. Dreadfully, comically wrong!
For instance, last May I "reported" on the very same pages of this here blog that "Willard Gray . . . a noted U.S. storm forecaster" predicted that the 2006 hurricane season would bring "nine hurricanes." Being the un-reverential yuckster that I am, I also pointed out that the same article made note of the unfortunate fact that in 2005 "Gray's prediction and those of other forecasters were wildly off the mark."
(Uhhh, in case you don't remember, 2005 was the hurricane season it may actually have been worthwhile to have been correct about.)
And how'd Mr. Gray do in 2006? Well, we actually had 5 hurricanes, 2 of them major, none of which made landfall in the U.S.
So he missed by 4, or 80%. I guess that means he was "wildly off the mark" two years in a row. There's some statistical significance in his consistent inconsistency.
(Say that 5 times, really fast.)
You know, I can make the same hilariously inaccurate hurricane season predictions that Mr. Gray can make, and I don't even need enormous grants from the University of Colorado. Hell, unlike Mr. Lautenbacher, I don't need taxpayer-funded boondoggles to make a blindfolded dart toss. Nope, I can make idiotic predictions just by pulling numbers out of my ass.
And I will, but I'm also different in that I don't have to change my pants when I think of destructive forces of nature like hurricanes. Instead, I get nervous and hope they don't happen. So I will predict zero hurricanes for this, and all hurricane seasons.
I'll be just as wrong as the experts, but at least I won't have to feel bad karma's pull when some ass-kicker of a storm makes landfall.
Your predictions? And please, include a brief abstract of your methodology.
Not to make light about hurricanes or anything, but what the hell does he know? These clowns can't even predict whether or not it'll rain on Saturday, and now they're making forecasts of the number of hurricanes we'll see over an entire summer! For instance, he says that this season could see "as many as ten hurricanes, and three to five of them could be major."
Not eleven? Maybe four to six of them major?
And lest it seem I'm picking on these guys merely for their ugly combination of ass-covering and propensity to get a meteorological hard-on when they think of all the horrible Cat-5's that are coming, let me say that ain't it.
No, I'm crackin' wise because year-after-year they make these idiotic shot-in-the-dark predictions, which the media pick up on it as if God himself inscribed radar maps on Willard Scott's teleprompter, despite the fact that these forecasts are always wrong. Dreadfully, comically wrong!
For instance, last May I "reported" on the very same pages of this here blog that "Willard Gray . . . a noted U.S. storm forecaster" predicted that the 2006 hurricane season would bring "nine hurricanes." Being the un-reverential yuckster that I am, I also pointed out that the same article made note of the unfortunate fact that in 2005 "Gray's prediction and those of other forecasters were wildly off the mark."
(Uhhh, in case you don't remember, 2005 was the hurricane season it may actually have been worthwhile to have been correct about.)
And how'd Mr. Gray do in 2006? Well, we actually had 5 hurricanes, 2 of them major, none of which made landfall in the U.S.
So he missed by 4, or 80%. I guess that means he was "wildly off the mark" two years in a row. There's some statistical significance in his consistent inconsistency.
(Say that 5 times, really fast.)
You know, I can make the same hilariously inaccurate hurricane season predictions that Mr. Gray can make, and I don't even need enormous grants from the University of Colorado. Hell, unlike Mr. Lautenbacher, I don't need taxpayer-funded boondoggles to make a blindfolded dart toss. Nope, I can make idiotic predictions just by pulling numbers out of my ass.
And I will, but I'm also different in that I don't have to change my pants when I think of destructive forces of nature like hurricanes. Instead, I get nervous and hope they don't happen. So I will predict zero hurricanes for this, and all hurricane seasons.
I'll be just as wrong as the experts, but at least I won't have to feel bad karma's pull when some ass-kicker of a storm makes landfall.
Your predictions? And please, include a brief abstract of your methodology.
Labels: I Wonder What Pat Robertson's Prediction Is?, Jerry Falwell Would'Ve Predicted Fifty Six, Would've Blamed Gays Jews And Feminists Too
posted by Mike at 6:24 AM
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