THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

The Bad: Hillary ekes out the close win in Michigan over Un Committed. Mr. Committed drove hard in the final days, gaining traction with Wolverine voters as he promised to raise auto worker's salaries by 300% across-the-board. But, alas, Hillary hung on to win all . . . zero of Michigan's delegates.

{Cue Morricone music}

The Ugly: No one has said it, so let me be the first. What the fuck is that thing on McCain's left jaw? Did he even have that in 2000 & 2004? Did Mrs. McCain beat the shit out of him or something? If he's serious about winning this whole thing, he'd better start explaining. He has to represent us to world leaders if he's president. How can they take him seriously if he looks like Don Zimmer . . . on only one side of his face?

{Cue more Morricone music}

The Good: Rudy "Have You All Heard Of A Day Called 9-11" Giuliani earns 3% of the vote in Michigan.

{Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah}