MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

In the latest update of the "Unfortunately-Worded Yahoo! News Headline of the Day," we learn of a . . .

"Mystery Object Found in Supernova's Heart."

According to the Space.com article's lead, "embedded in the heart of a supernova remnant 10,000 light-years away is a stellar object the likes of which astronomers have never seen before in our galaxy." Unfortunately, the author doesn't give a definitive answer for the identity of this thing we've "never seen before."

A few possibilities:

1. God. That's right, the heavenly father. Think about it, except for a buncha' nut cases, who's ever seen God? I assure you, it's a good possibility that God's in the heart of the supernova remnant.

And why would he be there, you ask? Well, where were you when he created the heavens & the earth? Huh?

2. Jimmy Hoffa's corpse. They've looked everywhere else. Seems as good an option as any other.

Plus, this way we can combine the profligate spending of both the FBI and NASA into one super-boondoggle that'll leave us all gasping in awe.

3. Winona Ryder. Think about it. She just flat-out disappeared about 3 or 4 years ago. I'm not lying, she's in the supernova.

4. The Ferrari 308 GTB Matchbox car I lost at my friend's house in 1976. I'm telling you we scoured that place up and down for hours (or at least 3 minutes). It just disappeared, which even at 8 years old I knew was impossible.

Very traumatic experience. It's in the supernova.

5. And while we're at it, my cassette of the Who's first Farewell Concert from Maple Leaf Gardens in 1982. The cassette that just "disappeared" when Todd Cohen (yes, that's you, Todd Cohen) visited me at college freshman year.

Actually, unless Todd flew to the supernova in the fall of '85, I think we know where that tape is.

6. George Bush's ability to tell the truth.

7. Atlantis. Much written about, never seen. Think about it.

Any other suggestions?