Wednesday, August 16, 2006

FEAR ALERT: UPDATE #4

I posted yesterday regarding the apparent absurdity of X-ray screening of shoes for explosives . . . despite a Homeland Security report indicating that such scans don't work in identifying explosives. And yesterday, sure as shit, the Transportation Safety Adminstration defended those very same X-ray screens of shoes, stating that they're "an effective way of identifying any anomaly, including explosives."

War is Peace. Ignorance is Strength. Up is Down & Inside is Out. Welcome to America, Version 0.6. Say someting often enough, and it becomes true, no matter how ludicrous it sounds.
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Update #5, 12:50, PM: According to AP, a London-to-Washington flight was "diverted" after a claustrophobic passenger got panicky. The pilot -- undoubtedly over-reacting because of the current atmosphere of FEAR (Atmosfear?) -- issued an alert, resulting in two fighters scrambling, and escorting the plane into Logan in Boston.

(Hey, maybe it's good afterall. That is two more scrambling fighters than there were on 9/11.)

But my favorite part of this story? The following quotation from George Naccara, of the Transportation Security Administration:
I don't know what she had on board with her, but we have been told she did not have a screw driver, she did not have any liquids such as vaseline, and any notebook she may have had, it did not contain an al-Qaida reference. This is still playing out, of course. There was speculation in the beginning of all those items, but those have been proven untrue.
(Emphasis added). He said he had no information about matches.

I can't speak for all of you, but I'm glad to know in these SCARY times that at least some of the panicking claustrophobes on airplanes aren't writing about Al Qaeda while they smear vasoline all over themselves.

Good grief. Is this where we've come to?
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Update #6, 10:21 PM: Reuters reports that federal Customs officials evacuated a large ship container terminal in Seattle today, after bomb-sniffing dogs became "alarmed" at two containers from . . . Pakistan. Amazingly, a search of the containers turned up no explosives, chemical or biological agents. Instead, the inspectors found one was "filled with clothes and the other with large bundles of used or recycled textiles."

Hmmmm. Who's with me on this one, thinking that maybe it was the bomb-sniffing dogs' handlers that became "alarmed" at the containers from . . . Pakistan. Unless, of course, the dogs read Nastaliq script, speak Urdu, or have been trained to sniff curry.

9 Comments:

Blogger Weaseldog said...

Your goverment wants you to feel terrified and to vote properly in Novemember. Are you a patriot or are you a terrorist?

The stains on your bedsheets will tell us which.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

These colors may not run, but the stains on my crotch do. Urine's like freedom, baby, and it's on the march!

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Yecchhh.

In about 3 seconds, vomit's gonna join the urine march.

**********************

And if this all isn't funny enough, the word verification for this comment is "tosjammn." Gross bodily fluids (is toe jam a fluid?) all over.

3 seconds? Two, one . . .

12:42 PM  
Anonymous nyhmr said...

It amazes how fearful the most powerful country in the world is.

I was once behind an older woman and she said that she felt safer, because TSA has asked her to take her shoes off. Somehow I didn't feel safer because of it.

We keep giving up a little more of our freedoms to feel "safer".

I guess I can't blame the American people for being scared after the sterling performance put on by the gummint after Katrina.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I certainly blame no individual for felling frightened.

But to the degree our government serves any purpose, I'd think allowing people to feel safer would be a start.

Afterall, FDR didn't say, "The Only Thing We Have To Fear . . . IS EVERYTHING!!! AHHHHHH, WE'RE DOOMED, HELP US!"

3:11 PM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

As john Rogers put it....

FDR: Oh, I'm sorry, was wiping out our entire Pacific fleet supposed to intimidate us? We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and right now we're coming to kick your ass with brand new destroyers riveted by waitresses. How's that going to feel?

CHURCHILL: Yeah, you keep bombing us. We'll be in the pub, flipping you off. I'm slapping Rolls-Royce engines into untested flying coffins to knock you out of the skies, and then I'm sending angry Welshmen to burn your country from the Rhine to the Polish border.

US. NOW: BE AFRAID!! Oh God, the Brown Bad people could strike any moment! They could strike ... NOW!! AHHHH. Okay, how about .. NOW!! AAGAGAHAHAHHAG! Quick, do whatever we tell you, and believe whatever we tell you, or YOU WILL BE KILLED BY BROWN PEOPLE!! PUT DOWN THAT SIPPY CUP!!

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Brown people . . . or maybe middle-ages women with vasoline, preemptively preparing for one a' those Transportation Safety Full Cavity Searches.

Yow!

3:44 PM  
Anonymous nyhmr said...

What I am waiting on is for Al Queda and their unholy minions to develop a clothes bomb or is that against their religious values?

9:24 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Nyhmr-

You spoke too soon! See my latest Atmosfearic Update. Seems that those nefarious Pakistanis are sending containers filled with clothes to cross up our bomb-sniffing dogs.

10:28 PM  

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