THINKING ABOUT THE CHILDREN (NOT THAT I WAS GIVEN A CHOICE IN THE MATTER)

Following two weeks of the worst weather New York has to offer -- heat waves, thunderstorms, respiration-threatening haze -- I looked forward today to resuming one of my favorite sumertime activities: eating my lunch in Bryant Park.

Now for those of you not in the know, Bryant Park is a lovely urban oasis, right smack in the center of midtown Manhattan between the Public Library, 6th Avenue, 42nd St & 40th St. In addition to chess tables, a small "reading area," a few concession stands, and even a small carousel, the main attractions are the quiet, a lush green lawn, shady trees along the walkways, and some unalloyed views of the Manhattan skyline over those tree tops. Plus, as any man who's worked in Manhattan can assure you, the rest of the scenery ain't too shabby either.

So Mike, you ask, what's the deal? Why you telling us this? It's not enough that you can dine in this verdant meditation zone, you have to rub it in too?

Well, you see, it wasn't quiet today, it wasn't peaceful, it wasn't pretty. It was . . .
. . .the location for the Pokemon Video-Game Championships. Or some other similarly-titled crime against my little patch of nature & humanity.

And, you know, it wasn't the children that bothered me. I mean, there were more tykes than usual, kicking up dust, chasing pigeons towards my grilled street meat on a pita (no yogurt sauce please, thank you very much). But it's summer. Kids are cool in summer. They make me smile.

And it wasn't the parents of those children either, though they usually annoy me far more than their kiddies. Neither was it the balloons, the cramped space, nor the befouling of the feng shui.

No. It was the screeching, scratchy, loud & grating voice of the MC, saying words like "Pokemon," "Video Game Champ," "Free Trip To Tokyo" and "Let's All Give A Round Of Applause To . . ." over-and-over again, at ear-splitting volume.

I ate, I bitched, I left.

* * *

So when folks I know ask -- in bewilderment -- how it came to pass that I, Manhattan Mike, opted to leave that 23 square mile block of granite that I called home for 14 years, how it came to pass that I want to move further yet away from its environs, I'll direct them to PokemonFest '06. When I was a younger man, Bryant Park may have been a shithole, infested with drug dealers, pimps, and other assorted miscreants. But no screeching MC's talking about video games.

My taxes (and in NYC, they're steep) pay for the upkeep & monitoring of Bryant Park. I wonder whether Pokemon paid for today's activities, or is it a "gift" from the new New York to one of its corporate friends.

NYC. Safe for tourists, safe for business, safe for the children. And too expensive and too Disney-fied for the folks who've loved it since time immemorial.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to tend to my indigestion. I should've eaten at my desk.