YOUR FEDERAL TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

It's been a while since I've posted one of these. Not that our federal government hasn't dipped its wick into the pork barrel, but I guess I got sidetracked. Distracted. Caught up in a misdirection.

But no more! Instead, I'll show you just what your national government's up to.

According to The Christian Science Monitor (has anyone every read one of their pieces dealing with Christianity or science, by the way? Just asking), the U.S. Department of Agriculture, under the auspices of "The Animal Welfare Act," has determined that 46 six-toed cats living on the grounds of the Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum in Key West are "display animals like those in a zoo, and must be caged."

As always, I'm forced to report the deeply troubling fact that this is a real news story.

Feel free to read the entire article, but Hemingway had a cat named "Snowball," possessing six toes, three high-powered hunting rifles, an over-glorified sense of his own virility, as well as a serious case of alcoholism.

Ok, a few of those "possessions" never existed, but I'm gonna lay some dough that the virility aspect is true. Why? Because apparently, all 46 extra-toe'd felines descend from Snowball.

Anyway, the real gist of this idiotic brouhaha emerges in a statement from USDA spokesman Jim Rogers: "It doesn't matter if you have an elephant in your yard if you keep it as a pet, but if you are exhibiting an animal, whether or not you are charging money, then you need a license" (emphasis added).

A license. That's right. Wanna keep cats on your private property? Gotta pay the federal government for a piece of paper saying, "Ok, you own cats." And, if you're really lucky, once or twice a year, a federal employee can come to your private property, "request" permission to enter, and tell you, "Ok, you own cats." Unless, of course, your license has expired, and then he'll tell you, "uh-oh, you own cats, butcha' ain't paid for the privilege lately. Gimme money!"

It's your government, Ladies & Gents. Working for you! And, like me, I hope you're happy the cats'll be monitored. Otherwise they might hijack a plane and fly it into a doghouse or something.