VERY BRIEF OSCAR THOUGHTS
2. Ellen DeGeneris did a nice job piercing the terminal seriousness, pompousity, and self-importance of the nominees. Nicely-done. And she did it wearing pants, which was also nicely-done for a number of reasons, most of which I'm not discussing here.
Scratch that, I'm not discussing any of the reasons.
3. Forrest Whitaker. Whoa.
Great actor, helluva career. I was happy for him that he won. But let's just agree that letting that man on television without a well-edited script may not be a good idea.
(And if he must appear without a script, how about a large dose of tranquilizer beforehand?)
4. Clint: less tranquilizer for you though.
5. Every male between the ages of birth and death knows there'd be no better fate on earth than just to be Jack. Icon of cool, every hot women in movie history at your choosing, front row seats at major sporting events, hanging with Scorsese & Coppola back stage. Little lacking in this man's life.
And then, as if such a life was not bounty enough, after turning 70, he can show up to a major, internationally-viewed media event with a shaved head and sunglasses. While making crazy faces and muttering occasionally.
And no one seems to find anything strange about it. That's a life. And, while I'm offering my opinions here, I believe in 2008 when he's inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, Rickey Henderson will reveal to us that he and Jack Nicholson are, in fact, the same person.
6. Jackie Earle Haley? Not sure he rocked the bald/sunglasses thing at quite the same level. But he nailed the "crazy face" part. And since he was a mutterer non-pareil in Bad News Bears 30 years ago, I'm saying we shouldn't give up on him just yet.
7. Ok. I'll admit it: I'm scared of Forrest Whitaker now. If someone called me up and said, "Forrest Whitaker thinks you're the best. He wants to meet you and discuss multi-billion dollar movie deals and screenplay ideas," I'm gonna have to pass. Tell him I have to shave or change my socks or something.
Did he maybe internalize the whole Idi Amin thing a bit too much? Maybe he really is more Charles Jefferson than Ghost Dog. (Which says something, doesn't it? My example of the non-scary Forrest Whitaker role is a professional killer.) Perhaps he's not the great actor we all think. Maybe he's just crazy.
If he shows up next year sporting the bald/sunglasses look, I'm not batting an eyelash.
8. Does Jack Black make people laugh at a funeral? Do people look at him between the eulogies and tears, and just start cracking up? I bet he looks funny when he sleeps.
9. Am I the only one who thinks that as the years go by Jodie Foster and Melissa Etheridge begin to look alike?
10. And speaking of Etheridge, how many fundies just fell over and died when she referred to her "wife."
But they shouldn't have been watching anyway. Why would they tune in for the night when liberal, elitist Hollywood celebrates itself. I don't watch the Daytona 500.