Monday, February 26, 2007

VERY BRIEF OSCAR THOUGHTS

1. Marty finally won. Good. Now let's never hear the words "Scorsese" and "Academy Awards" together again, ok? GoodFellas, no Oscar; Departed, Oscar? I'm supposed to use this information to form what conclusion, exactly?

2. Ellen DeGeneris did a nice job piercing the terminal seriousness, pompousity, and self-importance of the nominees. Nicely-done. And she did it wearing pants, which was also nicely-done for a number of reasons, most of which I'm not discussing here.

Scratch that, I'm not discussing any of the reasons.

3. Forrest Whitaker. Whoa.

Great actor, helluva career. I was happy for him that he won. But let's just agree that letting that man on television without a well-edited script may not be a good idea.

(And if he must appear without a script, how about a large dose of tranquilizer beforehand?)

4. Clint: less tranquilizer for you though.

5. Every male between the ages of birth and death knows there'd be no better fate on earth than just to be Jack. Icon of cool, every hot women in movie history at your choosing, front row seats at major sporting events, hanging with Scorsese & Coppola back stage. Little lacking in this man's life.

And then, as if such a life was not bounty enough, after turning 70, he can show up to a major, internationally-viewed media event with a shaved head and sunglasses. While making crazy faces and muttering occasionally.

And no one seems to find anything strange about it. That's a life. And, while I'm offering my opinions here, I believe in 2008 when he's inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, Rickey Henderson will reveal to us that he and Jack Nicholson are, in fact, the same person.

6. Jackie Earle Haley? Not sure he rocked the bald/sunglasses thing at quite the same level. But he nailed the "crazy face" part. And since he was a mutterer non-pareil in Bad News Bears 30 years ago, I'm saying we shouldn't give up on him just yet.

7. Ok. I'll admit it: I'm scared of Forrest Whitaker now. If someone called me up and said, "Forrest Whitaker thinks you're the best. He wants to meet you and discuss multi-billion dollar movie deals and screenplay ideas," I'm gonna have to pass. Tell him I have to shave or change my socks or something.

Did he maybe internalize the whole Idi Amin thing a bit too much? Maybe he really is more Charles Jefferson than Ghost Dog. (Which says something, doesn't it? My example of the non-scary Forrest Whitaker role is a professional killer.) Perhaps he's not the great actor we all think. Maybe he's just crazy.

If he shows up next year sporting the bald/sunglasses look, I'm not batting an eyelash.

8. Does Jack Black make people laugh at a funeral? Do people look at him between the eulogies and tears, and just start cracking up? I bet he looks funny when he sleeps.

9. Am I the only one who thinks that as the years go by Jodie Foster and Melissa Etheridge begin to look alike?

10. And speaking of Etheridge, how many fundies just fell over and died when she referred to her "wife."

But they shouldn't have been watching anyway. Why would they tune in for the night when liberal, elitist Hollywood celebrates itself. I don't watch the Daytona 500.

12 Comments:

Blogger Dwilkers said...

I'm really surprised The Departed won best picture. I already said I didn't think much of the film, but I am honestly surprised to find out it was even nominated. It just isn't that good of a picture, although as I said before it was fairly well crafted. It sends no message, its loaded with 'f*ck f*ckit, f*ckin homo, f*ckin motherf*ck, suck my d*ck'-type over loaded profanity, its basically just a police/mob movie with a bunch of people getting shot in the head at the end. Heck I found myself trying to figure out who was still alive at the end of the film.

Its not even in the same class as say, Lord of the Rings or Crash IMO.

That's just my opinion though, and obviously I'm in the minority.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Toasty Joe said...

I don't think it was trying to "send a message" - it's just a well-executed, plot-driven story. I don't think Pulp Fiction was trying to send a message either, it was just great storytelling (Not that Departed was as good as Pulp Fiction, I'm just making a point).

By the way, Mike, how do you think those fundies felt about 4 straight hours of praise after praise being heaped upon Al Gore?

11:35 AM  
Blogger Comandante AgĂ­ said...

Having seen only one of the best picture nominees (Little Miss Sunshine) I'm not really qualified to comment on the films. My favorite from last year was Children of Men, but then again, what do I know...

You know the conservative blogs are on fire today saying that Gore's Oscar was inevitable due to Hollywood's liberal bias blah blah blah.

This was the most religious Oscars in a long time. So many winners thanked "God" you would have thought we were watching the Grammys or something...

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Toast said...

9. Am I the only one who thinks that as the years go by Jodie Foster and Melissa Etheridge begin to look alike?

Oh, man. You did not just say that. Jodie was the hottest woman in the building last night. Melissa? Uh, not exactly.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

Okay, "The Departed" was the 2nd best of the nominated films. "The Queen" was better. But, as I said in other places, the best films of the year weren't nominated for best film of the year. Hell, these idiots couldn't even name "Pan's Labyrinth" as the best foreign language movie.

Also, as I said, "f*ck f*ck it," etc., sound so much better when David Mamet's writing the script -- he can make it sound like poetry. And Markie Mark's still alive at the end of the movie, as are Baldwin and the chick.

On the plus side, at least Scorsese didn't win something for "Gangs of New York."

Ellen was okay, but they really need to make Steve Martin the host forever and ever.

I agree with toast about Jodie Foster. Mike, what kind of drugs were you taking -- and, on a side note, can you send some down my way, I'm stuck on a doc review.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Toasty & Agi -

I like Al's message, and even thought it's not the best doc of the year, I understand why it won, and I'm cool with it.

That said, I'm not an Al Gore fan, and I've now seen enough of him until the 2012 election.

(That said, if his presense last night pissed off the angry winger crowd, I'm all for it.)

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Toast -

I though Jodie Foster looked like ass last night. What's with all that "work" on her face. Ugh.

But . . . even if we agreed she looked hot (which shye didn't), how can you say she was "the hottest woman in the building"?

Beonce and Jessica Biel don't do it for you? Hell, Kate Winslet & Helen Mirren lookd better than Jodie Foster.

1:42 PM  
Blogger George said...

Cate Blanchett gets my vote for hottest woman in the building.

Although Nicole Kidman with the added convenience of that shoulder handle might be ok.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

And I nearly forgot: Naomi Watts was in attendence.

3:12 PM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

I didn't watch much of the show. Was Naomi wearing that bikini from "I Heart Huckabees?"

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Was Naomi wearing that bikini from "I Heart Huckabees?"

No. She'd already removed it as she reenacted her scene from Mullholland Drive with Laura Harring.

You shoulda' watched last night, John. I think they may block that out if there's a re-broadcast.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Smitty said...

Could have done without the live musical performances myself. James Taylor was 1 verse away from putting me to sleep early. Melissa Etheridge was meh. Beyoncee and Whatshername competed against one another for who could scream with more anguished passion.

I thought Ellen did a fine job. She was funny and classy and corny in a good way.

Disappointed that The Departed beat Letters from Iwo Jima. I was moved to tears over the movie. It was deep and poignant. The Departed was indeed a great story, very well-executed. But Letters truly showed human dilemma.

That said....YEAH SCORSESE!!!

10:38 PM  

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