ALMOST GOT A NEW JOB. ALMOST

So I got a call from Omar Minaya last night. He asked me if I'd sign with the Mets as a relief pitcher, but I had to say "no." Hell, my fastball hits 59 MPH on a warm day and I can easily throw strikes 38% of the time. And you know what he offered me? The minimum salary!

I told him to pound sand. Let 'im stick with Heilman, Feliciano, Smith, Schoeneweis & friends.

I already have a job.