YES, I'M ALIVE

To the three people who actually come by here from time to time to confirm my heartbeat, I feel it is my solemn duty to say:

Yes. Still ticking. The Neighborhood, while frequently abandoned these days, is still on the map. Ignore the roving bands of wild dogs, stray tumbleweeds, and shady characters on the street corners who talk to themselves and keep their hands in inappropriate parts of their wardrobe. Ig-nore them. We're planning a sweep any day now -- the dogs will be shot, the tumbleweeds will be . . . untumbled, and the unsavory characters will be rounded up and sold into slave labor camps run by Halliburton. I repeat: All. Is. Well.

Now, let's turn to a few events brewing in this world of ours, to prove my existence, to prove this post is actually composed by Mike™ and not some Blogbot hired by my law firm to trick the few people who still track my presence on earth into thinking I haven't actually been permanently transferred to conduct a 12 year-long document review in an Antarctic weather station.

Or something like that.

Anyhow, the events in our world:

1. Over The Hill

Can I get a whoop-whoop, or whatever it is the cool kids are doing these days. She's done, she's finished, she's gonna be out of our collective hair for at least 4 more years. At which time, of course, she'll reappear in an effort to disturb us with shocking displays of her selfish narcissism all over again.

What have we done, as a people, to deserve this nightmare of a human being? Oh well, at least she lost. Maybe someone needs to tell her.

2. One Step Forward, One Step Back (and five walks in an inning by Oliver Perez)

Man, the Mets are frust-rating, with a capital "F" and stands for "fuck" and that rhymes with "suck." Man, these guys are pissing me off. Two good starters, four good position players, and about one and two-fifths of a good relief pitcher.

(I'm not sure who the 2/5 is. You figure it out, man. I'm a lawyer, not a mathematician, whattaya' want from me?)

But beyond that, what a buncha' stiffs. Pelfrey, Delgado, Moises "I Put The D In The DL" Alou, Heilman, Perez. Yikes, these guys have been awful.

And that, my friends, is what's wrong with this team: they're not good! They try hard, they do their best, whatever. But when you have exactly seven and two-fifths good players, you should be 30-28. Oh, enough of this; too depressing.

3. I Haven't Seen A Fuckin' Movie Since Al Pacino Started Overacting

Like I said, I've been busy as hell.

4. I'm Taking A Vacation Though

Yee and haw don't do it justice. I'm so psyched to take 16 days to do anything but go to the office, travel for work, answer the phone, or read e-mails, the English language does it no justice.

So I'll express it in Spanish:

Yo estoy muy feliz tener vacaciones. Es una cosa muy buena.

And if anyone gives me shit for mixing up "Estar" and "Ser" trouble will come down upon your head. So don't even go there.

I'm gonna take a few days to chill out and catch up on all the things I've been too busy to do for the last five months. You know, things like eating dinner with my wife, reading for pleasure, walking outside, breathing oxygen, all those luxuries I've been missing out on.

(I'm sure you've noticed that I didn't include "have sex" or "drink beer" in there. You know, no matter how busy one is, or how many nights he spends traveling, it's amazing how he'll still manage to hit the fundamentalist of the fundamentals. Think about it: ever been so busy you couldn't find time to take a shit? Exactly.)

Oh, and we'll spend one week somewhere in the wilds of Nova Scotia. Never been, know nothing about it, not even sure if they have "wilds" there, but it sounds relaxing and it's far away from cell phone & blackberry reachability. 'Nuff for me.

5. An Idea That's Brewing

I've said it before, so nothing too profound here, but the one-and-only real drawback from the return to the working lawyer's life has been the inability to blog with any regularity. I like the job, and although I can't garden or work-out as often as I used to, hey what are you gonna do? Life calls for compromises. But it really sucks that I can't blog. Just not enough time and, more importantly, not enough energy to ratchet it up daily or even a couple times a week.

That said, I miss it, and I really miss writing Friday Silly Movie Of My Youth Of The Day posts.

So -- and this is so far from a promise I'm gonna call it a promisenot -- I've been thinking of firing one up when I have some time off later this month.

(Ok, calm down. Sit down. Enough with the whooping & hollering. Uhhh, what's that? My imagi-what? Halluci-huh? You mean that wasn't cheering? Well, that sucks.)

We'll see. It sounds good in theory, even if it probably won't be any good even if I do it. Hey, I'm at least 14 months out of practice. Nevertheless, for old times sake: any suggestions?

Later, y'all. Though hopefully not too much later