Thursday, June 05, 2008


To the three people who actually come by here from time to time to confirm my heartbeat, I feel it is my solemn duty to say:
Yes. Still ticking. The Neighborhood, while frequently abandoned these days, is still on the map. Ignore the roving bands of wild dogs, stray tumbleweeds, and shady characters on the street corners who talk to themselves and keep their hands in inappropriate parts of their wardrobe. Ig-nore them. We're planning a sweep any day now -- the dogs will be shot, the tumbleweeds will be . . . untumbled, and the unsavory characters will be rounded up and sold into slave labor camps run by Halliburton. I repeat: All. Is. Well.
Now, let's turn to a few events brewing in this world of ours, to prove my existence, to prove this post is actually composed by Mike™ and not some Blogbot hired by my law firm to trick the few people who still track my presence on earth into thinking I haven't actually been permanently transferred to conduct a 12 year-long document review in an Antarctic weather station.

Or something like that.

Anyhow, the events in our world:

1. Over The Hill

Can I get a whoop-whoop, or whatever it is the cool kids are doing these days. She's done, she's finished, she's gonna be out of our collective hair for at least 4 more years. At which time, of course, she'll reappear in an effort to disturb us with shocking displays of her selfish narcissism all over again.

What have we done, as a people, to deserve this nightmare of a human being? Oh well, at least she lost. Maybe someone needs to tell her.

2. One Step Forward, One Step Back (and five walks in an inning by Oliver Perez)

Man, the Mets are frust-rating, with a capital "F" and stands for "fuck" and that rhymes with "suck." Man, these guys are pissing me off. Two good starters, four good position players, and about one and two-fifths of a good relief pitcher.

(I'm not sure who the 2/5 is. You figure it out, man. I'm a lawyer, not a mathematician, whattaya' want from me?)

But beyond that, what a buncha' stiffs. Pelfrey, Delgado, Moises "I Put The D In The DL" Alou, Heilman, Perez. Yikes, these guys have been awful.

And that, my friends, is what's wrong with this team: they're not good! They try hard, they do their best, whatever. But when you have exactly seven and two-fifths good players, you should be 30-28. Oh, enough of this; too depressing.

3. I Haven't Seen A Fuckin' Movie Since Al Pacino Started Overacting

Like I said, I've been busy as hell.

4. I'm Taking A Vacation Though

Yee and haw don't do it justice. I'm so psyched to take 16 days to do anything but go to the office, travel for work, answer the phone, or read e-mails, the English language does it no justice.

So I'll express it in Spanish:

Yo estoy muy feliz tener vacaciones. Es una cosa muy buena.

And if anyone gives me shit for mixing up "Estar" and "Ser" trouble will come down upon your head. So don't even go there.

I'm gonna take a few days to chill out and catch up on all the things I've been too busy to do for the last five months. You know, things like eating dinner with my wife, reading for pleasure, walking outside, breathing oxygen, all those luxuries I've been missing out on.

(I'm sure you've noticed that I didn't include "have sex" or "drink beer" in there. You know, no matter how busy one is, or how many nights he spends traveling, it's amazing how he'll still manage to hit the fundamentalist of the fundamentals. Think about it: ever been so busy you couldn't find time to take a shit? Exactly.)

Oh, and we'll spend one week somewhere in the wilds of Nova Scotia. Never been, know nothing about it, not even sure if they have "wilds" there, but it sounds relaxing and it's far away from cell phone & blackberry reachability. 'Nuff for me.

5. An Idea That's Brewing

I've said it before, so nothing too profound here, but the one-and-only real drawback from the return to the working lawyer's life has been the inability to blog with any regularity. I like the job, and although I can't garden or work-out as often as I used to, hey what are you gonna do? Life calls for compromises. But it really sucks that I can't blog. Just not enough time and, more importantly, not enough energy to ratchet it up daily or even a couple times a week.

That said, I miss it, and I really miss writing Friday Silly Movie Of My Youth Of The Day posts.

So -- and this is so far from a promise I'm gonna call it a promisenot -- I've been thinking of firing one up when I have some time off later this month.

(Ok, calm down. Sit down. Enough with the whooping & hollering. Uhhh, what's that? My imagi-what? Halluci-huh? You mean that wasn't cheering? Well, that sucks.)

We'll see. It sounds good in theory, even if it probably won't be any good even if I do it. Hey, I'm at least 14 months out of practice. Nevertheless, for old times sake: any suggestions?

Later, y'all. Though hopefully not too much later

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Blogger Toast said...

Mike is Legend.

9:05 AM  
Blogger George said...

Damn, I guess this means Halliburton here I come.

8:20 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Mike is Legend

Not even sure I get it. I'm a handsome Black man wandering around NYC watching out for zombies?

Or is that Obama when he's in the middle of a pack of Hillary supporters?

Halliburton here I come

Say hello to Cheney for me.

Or say "fuck you." Either one works.

8:38 PM  
Anonymous John Royal said...


The ultimate bad movie.

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Neighborhood is going to be getting any of those FEMA trailers because of the devastation resulting from no posting?

12:16 PM  
Anonymous wfta said...

I held a mirror beneath your nose from the Air France lounge at CDG on May 22 and didn’t see any fog. I they have Mac’s no less. Glad to hear your kicking.

Enjoy the vacation. Next year think about It is the only inn I’ll ever shill for.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Mike said...


The ultimate bad movie.

Well, knowing the by-laws as you do, this means I'd actually have to RENT this horrorshow.

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Neighborhood is going to be getting any of those FEMA trailers because of the devastation resulting from no posting?

No way. We're a non-federal gov zone. Sort of like Christiania, in Copenhagen, except without the drugs & sexy Danish chicks. Or tourists and hippies.

Or a functioning economy. But otherwise, exactly the same.

Glad to hear your kicking.

Even when I'm not breathing I still kick. Sort of like a fetus.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Karen B. said...

actually the absolute worst movie of the 80's, and possibly ever, in my opinion, was Satisfaction starring Julia Roberts, Liam Neeson, and Justine Bateman. look it up on imdb. seriously.

But the real reason that I am commenting is that I am not sure why you think that Hillary Clinton (I am assuming that is who you were talking about) is "a nightmare of a human being" or what she has done that is so "selfishly narcissistic." She stayed in the race bc it was extremely close, and because she had TONS of supporters who WANTED her to stay in the race until the very end. Calls for her drop out when it was still possible that the vote could go the other way were unfair to her, to her supporters, and to the process. I am faily certain that had a race between two men been that close, Democratic Party leaders would have maintained that all of the votes needed to be counted before a decision could be made. And if you don't beleive me, watch Recount on HBO. And, even in losing, she accomplished a tremendous amount. Is there any other democrat that you have ever had so much hostility towards, or is that hostility reserved for the first viable female presidential candidate?

Karen :)

6:34 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Karen, I wore myself out (and wore out a welcome or two) last winter explaining why I hate Hillary. In sum, it's for most of the reason's I hate her shady husband as well: too conservative, only out for herself, blatently self-serving, etc. And the primaries bore me out.

Anyhow, I tried to explain it here, here, here, and here.

Maybe there were others, maybe these don't explain.

I sincerely wish the Dems put forth a female candidate worth supporting. Unfortunately, Hillary wasn't the one.

Why do you like her?

9:23 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Wow, I go away for a week and Mike comes out of hiding with 4 posts. Hmmmm, I wonder if that means something.

Please blog about (or at least summarize) your trip to Nova Scotia. It's on my list of places to go see and I could always use more data (from a human being) to figure out if it should stay on that list or not.

2:39 PM  

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