JERRY, FAREWELL

As with the passing of another luminary last winter -- Augosto Pinochet -- I won't stoop to the level of the man about whom I'm writing. No sir, no unkind words here for Jerry Falwell, not on the day after he's shuffled off the mortal coil.

I'm all dignified & shit, ya' know?

Instead, I'll merely let the founder of Liberty University & the man who brought us the Moral Majority speak for himself:

On the tragedy of 9/11:

I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen."

On AIDS & homosexuality:

AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals.

On Martin Luther King & the Civil Rights movement:

I do question the sincerity and non-violent intentions of some civil rights leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mr. James Farmer, and others, who are known to have left-wing associations.

On organized labor:

Labor unions should study and read the Bible instead of asking for more money. When people get right with God, they are better workers.

And let's not forget who put Tinky Winky in the headlines, and if I'm not mistaken, blamed the 2004 tsunami on homosexuals.

Anyhow, with those words of wisdom, empathy, and charity in mind, perhaps I'll leave off with a quotation from the man he supposedly represented on earth (and here's hoping St. Peter knows his New Testament):

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Or how 'bout this one:

Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?" And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!"

Good luck, Jerry (you're gonna need it.)