BREAKING NEWS: THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS . . . JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING (BUT DON'T WORRY, THE CHIEF EXEC IS COMING TO THE RESCUE!)

So, seems that the President and some of the noisemakers on Capitol Hill are gonna get together and figure out how to fix the economy! Gee, that should work out just fine.

Next up: a summit of death row inmates will pow-pow to discuss crime reduction; the ghosts of Adolph Hitler, Ghengis Khan, Napolean, and Alexander The Great host a symposium on world peace; and the CEOs of major oil companies will use multi-zillion dollar ad campaigns to hoodwink the public into believing they're leading the charge to develop alternatives to fossil fuel.

(Oh wait, that last one already happened. Sorry.)

Do I hear news about creationists from 37 states addressing American students' declining science & math scores?