Friday, March 09, 2007

BLACK FRIDAY (AKA, MIKE MAKES LAME EXCUSES FOR DISAPPOINTING THE ENTIRE WORLD)

I'll open right up with apologies: something work-related came up late yesterday, which'll keep me busy for much of this morning, and maybe into the afternoon. No big deal in the big picture (actually, it's not bad at all), but not enough time to do the Friday Silly Movie Of My Youth Of The Day any justice. Like a good stew or rack of ribs, the FSMOMYOTD needs slow cookin', with a proper dose of TLC and all the right spices. (For instance, I bet you didn't realize I use cumin, fennel, & one bay leaf every time. You stick to reading and let me do the preparing, ok?)

At any rate, it ain't happening, stop yer' whining, and remember that it's Friday.

Nevertheless . . . I always like to keep that FSMOMYOTD train a-moving, so let's throw a few things out there. Among the flicks I considered doing this week were Meatballs, Fright Night, and the original Hardbodies. A goofy Canadian comedy for which Kate Lynch actually won the Genie (the Canuck Oscars) for Best Actress; one of the early "post-modern," self-conscious, horror-comedy flicks; and a Skin-a-max classic, featuring the timeless diddy, "I Don't Fuck Fossils For Free."

And why am I mentioning this? Because you -- the 14 or so sub-human wretches who actually tune in regularly to follow my geeky prattlings about 25 year-old movies that time and humanity have forgotten -- are going to pick the next FSMOMYOTD. Yes, I know I tried this once before, and it went down in a flaming wreck worthy of a 70's disaster film. This is true.

But . . . that was because I foolishly made an open-ended plea for requests. And despite suggestions for movies so profoundly ludicrous, so idiotic and preposterous, they might as well have been produced specifically so they'd appear in one of these posts, I could not take you up on it. Because I haven't seen Xanadu. Or Death Race 2000. (Or even Night of the Lepus, whatever the hell that is.) And there's no way I'm filling that void now. Does that make me a bad FSMOMYOTDer? Probably. And for that I deserve derision, scorn, heaping helpings of abuse, and even a rotten tomato or two tossed in my direction.

None of which changes the fact that I can't "do" a movie I ain't seen. So deal with it. And vote! As Puffy (Diddy?) warned, "Vote . . . Or Die." Cast your choices in the comments, along with the aforementioned (Warning: Lawyer Word Alert!) derision & scorn. Even if the tally comes in at 1-0-0, the winner gets done next. Democracy in action, folks.

Freedom, and silly movies, are on the march everywhere.

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20 Comments:

Blogger Otto Man said...

I think we have to honor the Skinemax tradition, so I'm going with Hardbodies.

Or even Night of the Lepus, whatever the hell that is.

Look, for the last time, it's a '70s "horror" movie that stars DeForrest Kelley ("Bones" from Star Trek) doing battle with a horde of giant, killer, adorable bunny rabbits. It's the single worst movie ever made.

9:10 AM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

I would say "Meatballs," but as we all know, it just doesn't matter.

10:24 AM  
Blogger maurinsky said...

I think I actually saw Hardbodies on Cinemax, back when I was in high school, just after we got cable, and I basically gave up sleeping for a month or so while I watched every glorious minute of commercial free programming I could. So I'll cast a second vote for Hardbodies.

10:30 AM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

The Flim-Flam Man

George C. Scott, Michael Sarazan a great chase movie.

"PooooLeese Mordecai! PooooooLeeese!"

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Applesaucer said...

My vote is for Fright Night. I loved that movie (though I also loved Meatballs and Hard Bodies for different reasons).

Applesaucer

12:05 PM  
Blogger George said...

Just to hear your dissection of the fossil fuck free tune, I vote for Hardbodies. And you owe it to yourself to watch Night of the Lepus--I have some friends who watch it every Easter, just to get some perspective on the whole bunny bearing gifts thing.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Mr Furious said...

Oh, I could second "Fright Night."

Or throw a vote in for "Weird Science." Seems like you could really get some mileage out of that one.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Otto Man said...

Mike & co., you're missing a hell of a discussion about favorite action scenes over at KSK.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Let's see. As of midday, the tally is as follows:

Hardbodies: 3. I'd make a "horny old guy" comment, but Maurinksy changes the dynamics here.

Meatballs: 1. I guess it just doesn't matter is right.

Fright Night: 2 (I knew Apple was going with that one. No brainer).

And a write-in for Flim-Flam man (complete with quotation), but I haven't seen it so . . .

Night of the Lepus sounds ghastly. I'd say I'll check it out, but I won't.

Anyway, the polls are still open (til when? I haven't decided). So nothing decided yet.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous John Royal said...

Look, we all know that the vote is really all for "Meatballs," but the design of the butterfly ballot is causing voter confusion.

2:57 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

This is true. The old folks in Palm Beach have long been known as huge fans of late-70s summercamp films.

Reminds 'em of their youth or something.

3:26 PM  
Anonymous Martin Scorsese said...

I vote for Fright Night.

Tom Holland really blew my mind with what he did.

Marty

3:30 PM  
Blogger DED said...

Hardbodies

3:35 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Hardbodies remains strong, but a surprise appearance by Oscar-winning director, Martin Scorscese is keeping Fright Night in the running.

If I didn't know better, I'd think one of the regulars was stuffing the ballot boxes. But these Friday posts are so influential, I knew it was only a matter of time before the pros showed up.

Fine choice, Marty.

3:43 PM  
Anonymous Bela Lugosi said...

Please review Fright Night.

Chris Sarandon took what I did to the next level.

Bela

p.s., If anyone doubts it's me on the grounds that I'm dead, well, just remember one thing: I'm of the undead.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

I think this is the Ed Wood Bela Legosi. Wacked-out junkhead, wrestling with a rubber octopus.

No vote for you!

4:38 PM  
Blogger fridge said...

put me down for some "HardBodies" action. That was a cable classic for sure.

4:38 PM  
Blogger George said...

Hey, Mike, and folks in the Neighborhood--

The fantasy baseball league I play in is short an owner this year--anybody interested? We draft on line, so you can be anywhere.

If interested, email me at yatchisin@yahoo.com

5:28 PM  
Blogger Dwilkers said...

We watched Babel and Walk the Line this weekend.

Babel is a naked rip-off of Crash that doesn't measure up. It attempts to do a world wide version of the sort of US tangled web Crash tied but falls far short because in the end there is no tie. It drags, is boring, and has unnecessary lewd content like a masturbating pre-teen or very early teen boy and brief shots of a naked under age girl. I'm not THAT big of a prude but it just didn't contribute in any way I could detect. The movie gets very tedious in spots. I gave it 1 star for 'Hated It' and an 8 on the watch stare-ometer.

Walk the Line really surprised me. Its NOT my genre but the wife put it in the queue. To my surprise the characters and story are totally believable and sympathetic. The pace of the movie is good with the few tedious spots, and the director skillfully used musical tour events to break it up and keep it moving and to my surprise the music was pretty darn well done. I give it 4 stars, and a 3 on the watch stare-ometer.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Babel is a naked rip-off of Crash

Sounds like it based on your description.

I haven't seen Walk The Line, but opinion seems somewhat mixed. I finally saw Little Miss Sunshine last night; cute movie. Not great, but certainly worth seeing.

9:29 AM  

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