THE EMPEROR STRONGMAN WEARS NO CLOTHES HAS LOST HIS MIND

In one of the stranger "news" pieces I've read in some time, we learn from A.P. that none other than supermodel Naomi Campbell has interviewed Venezuelan asshole president wannabe dictator, Hugo Chavez in the Brit version of G.Q.

Apparently Amy Winehouse's investigative piece on Pervez Musharraf, David Beckham's one-on-one sit down with Robert Mugabe, and Shane McGowen's discussion of trade policy with Mitt Romney were all preempted by Naomi's revealing Q&A session.

Naomi hoped to get a sense of "Hugo Chavez the man," as opposed to the wacky power-grabbing grandstander we've all come to know & love. Through her in-depth examination of his personal side, she "found him to be fearless, but not threatening or unreasonable," adding that she hopes "Venezuela's relations with America will improve in the immediate future."

Well, now that the world has learned, along with Naomi, about Hugo the man, I'm sure her wished-for detente is just around the corner. So what did Hugo say that revealed his softer, fearless-but-non-threatening side:

President Bush is "completely crazy. But he's on his way out."

Ok. So he has a firm grasp of the obvious . . . and he understands our Constitutional system. Good job on Naomi's part, I'll grant. Hugo has trouble with Venezuela's rules regarding terms of office for the Chief Exec, so this is good. What else?

"We're seeing the fall of the empire . . ."

Ok. Overused analogy, and he might be jumping the gun a bit as to how soon the "fall" is coming, but we've heard this one before.

"Like the fairy tale, the emperor is naked"

That was a quick turn. But Naomi was ready! Jumping on the naked emperor opportunity she asked him if he'd pose topless, and Hugo, ever ready, replied:

"Why not? Touch my muscles!"

It's not clear whether Naomi took him up on his offer, but she did ask him the important question of the world's "most stylish" leader:

"Fidel, of course! His uniform is impeccable. His boots are polished, his beard is elegant"

The impeccable army fatigues! The elegant shaggy beard! Those famously polished boots, unlike the scuffed up Converse All-stars Pinochet used to wear. Hugo sees straight through it all.

And Naomi, to the benefit of all, apparently did not ask if Fidel would pose topless.